Confused and hopeless because of these th... - My OCD Community

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Confused and hopeless because of these thoughts

Yumikoss profile image

Help, please! I don't know if this is OCD or if it's just me. I got diagnosed twice with OCD, but I'm afraid I was misdiagnosed and what if this is really me.

I keep having the same repetitive thought ( wishing death to others) and it pops into my mind in different situations of my life. It's like.. my body becomes alert in a situation and then I know the thought will follow and I cannot do anything to stop it. It also feels like an impulse sometimes. What if I truly want these thoughts subconsciously and I'm this evil person? I don't know what to do anymore, I feel lost and hopeless.

21 Replies

Hello friend, I am sorry for your pain. From what you say, it does look like you are suffering from OCD. Your doubt about being misdiagnosed too is pointing towards a diagnosis of OCD. As someone suffering with OCD myself and having had repetitive thoughts that were distressing, I can tell you that help is available. Are you seeing a mental health expert? If not, please do. Once things became too much for me, I saw a psychiatrist who started me on medication and since then I feel MUCH better. DON'T WORRY. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Yumikoss profile image
Yumikoss in reply to Joeyman

Yes, I am. However, she is not an OCD specialist ( there aren't any in my country) so I don't know if it's gonna work or not. I truly hope so though. Thank you for your support.

Hi,I totally understand stand I struggle with is it my ‘personality’(horrible person)or is my OCD, I guess we have to TRY to accept that we don’t know for sure at the mo as we are unwell ?

Yumikoss profile image
Yumikoss in reply to Cupoftea123

Yeah, I guess you're right. It's very difficult to sit with the uncertainty but there's no way to know for sure..... 😔

Cupoftea123 profile image
Cupoftea123 in reply to Yumikoss

I understand that’s the tricky thing about it ,u can’t think your way out of it as far as I can see u can only accept the uncertainty and let time pass ,try to be gentle with yourself 🤗

It is common for OCD to make the sufferer wonder whether they truly have OCD. Don't take it as a sign that you don't have OCD; it's actually another sign that you do, especially since you have been diagnosed twice by professionals.

Yeah, probably. I keep doubting it, my mind keeps telling me maybe those professionals were wrong or something like that. I guess I have to take the risk and believe it's OCD.

Mamatired profile image
Mamatired in reply to Yumikoss

Wow. Same situation with me. I went to see two psychiatrists and both said the same thing. I doubted it as well and can say with medication, therapy and awareness, I am beginning to feel different. Ease yourself into this and don’t be so hard on yourself as it will be challenging but you will eventually find ways to work with/thru it.

Yumikoss profile image
Yumikoss in reply to Mamatired

Yeah, well, my mind was like' but what if both of them were wrong and they aren't doing their jobs properly?' However, I'm sure even if I was diagnosed by 10 therapists I still wouldn't be sure it's OCD lol.

Mamatired profile image
Mamatired in reply to Yumikoss

LOL! I had a similar thought myself. I started obsessing over wanting to see psychiatrists outside of my city just in case they had some kind of bias. The truth is, Doctors aren’t perfect though and they can make mistakes but It’s all going to be okay. What’s next on your journey? Do you think you’ll accept your OCD diagnosis?

Yumikoss profile image
Yumikoss in reply to Mamatired

I think I'm gonna obsess for a while over the fact that doctors can make mistakes and what if both of them were wrong and I'm this type of person lol. Well, I don't think I have another choice but to accept it and do my best to recover.

Evil people don't feel badly about being evil.

I have OCD and what you’re suffering sounds exactly like OCD. I’ve had awful harm thoughts too. It’s very typical of OCD.Are you on meds? There is good treatment for OCD. It’s OCD and not you.

Yumikoss profile image
Yumikoss in reply to Ddorne

I'm not on meds, only in therapy. My therapist is not an OCD specialist, but she said she uses ERP, so I hope everything will be okay....

This sounds like a classic case of OCD. I can assure you that these thoughts do not mean you actually wish death to others. I have struggled with blasphemous thoughts because of my OCD and it felt very similar to this. It's totally OCD.

Yumikoss profile image
Yumikoss in reply to mvillarreal

It's so so confusing...it feels so real and it's so hard to tell the difference between my real intentions and thoughts and OCD .....I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore because of this..

mvillarreal profile image
mvillarreal in reply to Yumikoss

Yumikoss If therapy doesn't fully help for this, maybe try getting medication, which can also help with the anxious thoughts.

Hi I can totally relate to that feeling!like you lose your identity in a way,I think it takes away your confidence and u can’t trust yourself, I am hoping I can learn to beat this from others who have improved 🤗

It’s so true. It feels like you lose who you are. We can do this and beat this

Yumikoss profile image
Yumikoss in reply to Mamatired

Yes, exactly!! I always feel like this, like I don't know what type of person I am, because these thoughts seem like they are what I truly wish...it's hard but we have to keep going

Mamatired profile image
Mamatired in reply to Yumikoss

I know. I feel strange on a day to day basis. I’m trying to find ways to deal with the absence and void of being attached to my repetitive thoughts. Sometimes I just don’t know what to do. The experience of doing a normal task, such as washing the dishes, is weird because I feel like I’ve snapped out of it and am there with the act of washing the dishes now. I feel like I’ve lost so much time to obsessing over the same things and don’t know what is real sometimes but it’s getting easier each time that I recognize an obsessive thought and call it out for what it is. Keep going and I’m sure you will get there too. Don’t give up

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