I’m so down.

[MissBowLady]

Mention of incest ocd so if that triggers you scroll away.

I’m just so down. I’ve been struggling with incest OCD and it made me realize that all humans are related by like a liiiittle bit. Like maybe milllions or for some thousands or hundreds of years ago like two people probably had sex and children who came from long distant common ancestry.

And like, no one ever thinks about that, or how humans went from like a couple hundred to now 7 billion. I just hate how there was incest back then. I know others say it isn’t incest but that’s how my brain is processing it.

And I hate how it makes me aware of how my mom and dad got together even though they may or may not have known that they probably share a common ancestry from like maaaaaany years ago.

I just hate how I have to be okay with a certain level of incest is okay in the world. I hate it because when I had incest ocd years ago I was just doing the exposures to prove I didn’t want to have sex or that I romantically liked my brother. But now I have to accept this.

And I asked a friend for advice and they said it isn’t incest, but humans trying to find someone with the most diverse genes. And that in nature that’s what humans try to do, and aren’t born with default moral compasses. So now it’s making me (or ocd) wonder “oh so I could still have a romantic relationship with my brother even if it didn’t hurt anyone or even if it did why should I care?”

And I hate it. I want to go back to just thinking the world is my oyster, I knew my brother was my brother and my mom was my mom and that I could hug and kiss her whenever I want. And I know for exposure I’m supposed to hug her and stuff but now I’m just gonna feel so down and depressed, like there is no love there or I’m not letting myself love her because I think it’s wrong.

Even if everyone else says I’m not doing anything wrong I still think I’m doing something wrong.

People keep saying I’ll be able to go back to normal like before, but I don’t think they understand how gross and weird it is. Or maybe I don’t get how people are okay with everyone being barely related. My therapist gave me some exposures to do and tell myself that it’s possible that playing an app is somehow giving money to someone that could possibly like incest and therefor I’m supporting incest. But I just want to go back to being anxious and fighting it. But that’s anxiety and that could kill me. But I hate having to live in this reality. I told my therapist that I was starting to get suicidal thoughts last night because I was starting to think “if any incest or this degree is okay and allowed them I don’t want to live in this world,” and my mom helped me calm down last night. But by OCD’s logic I shouldn’t be hugging my mom because she somehow committed incest to create me.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to go “back to normal” and be okay with this and think I’m not doing anything wrong being okay with people getting together even though they are distantly and barely related. It’s like I think I have a point about all this and it isn’t ocd, and it’s also like I have to accept this world and just be okay with it even though I don’t want to.

I guess I’m here asking what you all have to say. My therapist said people arguing with my OCD will be reassurance but the last few hours I’ve just been feeling grey.

[Nicolemichaela7]

Firstly, I hope your okay! You are stronger than you know and are able to get through this. As much as OCD convinces us that our new fears will stay with us forever, they never have in my experience. I often have scary ideas or realisations that terrify me and I’m able to convince myself I will be forever worried about it, but even if I do nothing at all they eventually just go away as if my brain gets tired of thinking about them. It’s great that your in therapy, keep doing what your doing. I know this is a touchy subject for you so I don’t want to try to reassure you. But what your describing simply isn’t incest at all. You can get through this!❤️

[MissBowLady in reply to Nicolemichaela7]

I know incest is people having sex or romantic relations with people within their close family or even close relatives or maybe a bit distant, but I still consider relationships with long distant ancestors with other people some lower degree of incest or whatever.

I grew up thinking incest=bad and any incest=bad. But now it’s sounding like I have to change that way of thinking but I don’t want to because I think any kind of incest is wrong.

[Nicolemichaela7 in reply to MissBowLady]

Again I don’t want to trigger you, and I understand where your coming from, it definitely is a strange and uncomfortable thought and virtually everyone is in agreement that real incest is wrong and disgusting. However as far back as hundreds and hundreds of years is both genetically safe and socially acceptable so it does seem like maybe challenging your beliefs will be beneficial to overcome this fear. I have found that challenging some of my beliefs has made my OCD far more manageable. This is something you could look into in therapy. Again, you won’t feel like this forever. Keep going and stay strong. Hope this helps!

[MissBowLady in reply to Nicolemichaela7]

I just have always lived by that logic and I keep thinking I can still think that way, but I’m still scared of other stuff and think I’m doing the right thing by keeping this “rigid logic” as my mom is saying.

But I hear what you are trying to say.

[Nicolemichaela7 in reply to MissBowLady]

I won’t try to convince you otherwise. I understand how you are feeling. There’s no right or wrong way to feel about things. However if it’s something that’s really interfering with your day to day life it’s worth trying to challenge it as much as your comfortable with at this point in time. I am no expert in OCD as I am only recently diagnosed and I don’t want to give bad advice so it’s definitely best to explore this more in your therapy sessions. I know it feels scary now but you can get through this. Wishing you the best of luck in your recovery.

[OdysseusReturns]

Try exposure-based therapy. It's humiliating at first, but with people helping you (this is a must), it's worth every second. It helped me, at least, with violence and sexual OCD.

[MissBowLady in reply to OdysseusReturns]

I am trying. I think it’s helping feel less stress slowly, but I’m still thinking I’m doing something wrong and then I’ll get very stressed again

[OdysseusReturns in reply to MissBowLady]

I understand. Anxiety relief is NOT immediate. But it is worth it. I cannot recommend Rogers Behavioral Health enough. It seems others like it are popping up, but if you live near one...

[MissBowLady in reply to OdysseusReturns]

I’m on the waiting list for Roger’s out patient. It’s 3 weeks

[OdysseusReturns in reply to MissBowLady]

Hang in there

[OdysseusReturns in reply to MissBowLady]

How are you doing?

[OdysseusReturns in reply to MissBowLady]

It seems like you conquered your OCD before and now you are dealing with the moral repercussions of EBT. This will wind you back into a new form of OCD (hating those who are okay with incest, or something like that).

[Susiesweeney]

Hi

As an OCD sufferer my heart breaks for you. U are so consumed by your OCD. All your thoughts behaviour are been fueled by your OCD HORRIBLE HORRIBLE ocd. U have to get under your thoughts and see them as separate to you. Best of luck. 🥰