Hello all! My name is Grayson and I've recently been diagnosed with OCD. I've had debilitating symptoms all my life but had always thought it was a psychotic disorder. This was something fun I came to realize when every time I got put on anti-psychotic medication, they would heighten my anxiety, paranoia, and psychotic delusions/hallucinations. I never understood why until recently my therapist brought up that people with OCD who take anti-psychotic medications can have adverse interactions. So now I go to therapy once a week for PTSD, OCD, BPD, and Schizophrenia.
It's become more apparent to me through therapy that all of these aspects have significantly impacted my life, from interpersonal relationships to day-to-day living. I recently got broken up with my partner because I was relying on them too much and not paying attention to their boundaries. I was treating them like my therapist, I really way. I'm realizing now, that I need to change the way my brain works, work on soothing my BPD responses and my ROCD, and just try and let go. I'm not sure if that relationship could be mended as much as I want it to. I'm struggling with letting go and giving them space because if they'll come back, they'll come back, but it's hard. My OCD wants to take control and have a plan and have a comprehensive idea of this whole situation, but I just have to surrender and work on things I can control.
I can control myself. I can control my actions, my words, my mental state. I feel that I've made significant progress and I'm really proud of myself. Whatever comes out of this, I know I'll come out stronger and better for myself and for the people around me.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Chemical Contamination OCD
For Those Just Starting Out
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