i have had ocd since my childhood, but it was medically confirmed 2022 while I was pregnant. During pregnancy I had a terrible fear of contamination. My pregnancy was a living hell, I cannot realize how I managed to survive that time😭😭😭
Its been two years now since I gave birth and I am reliving my pregnancy horror. I feel no connection to my daughter. And I am in constant inner pain. Time to time I have suicidal thoughts, I dont know how to keep living like this. Ive tried lots of medication, nothing worked on me😢
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Egggen
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I haven't got children myself, but I do know that OCD can really kick in with pregnant women and new mothers.
Pregnancy and new motherhood often makes women hyperconscious of germs and contamination. The instinct is to protect the new baby - I can still remember my sister insisting that nobody touch her newborn without first washing their hands.
That bonding with your daughter has been so problematic for you is surely down to your PTSD - during the pregnancy your emotions took such a battering that you've switched them off where your daughter is concerned. Too much trauma can leave your emotions numb.
It appears that emotionally you haven't been able to move on from the trauma of your pregnancy. It's like being stuck.
Trauma in pregnancy is commoner that perhaps many people realize. It may be a natural process, but it's also something that takes its toll physically on a woman's body, and having a new baby involves a radical reappraisal of your priorities. Add OCD into that and it can be overwhelming.
It's important that you get some treatment for the OCD, but I think a priority is treatment for the PTSD. I don't know the sort of treatments that are available in Lithuania, but perhaps your doctor would know where to refer you. If EMDR is available, it could help you to process your traumatic pregnancy.
CBT can help, too - medication on its own may help with the CBT but is unlikely to solve your issues by itself. Psychotherapy does the real work of healing - medication can make it easier.
Inner pain can be hard to bear, but there are treatments. There is support.
That's good. Give it a chance to work. Also consider CBT for PTSD. And there's lots for you to fight for - for joy in motherhood and family life, for a start.
When people encounter a threat, they’re faced with two problems: to eliminate the treat and the anxiety caused by the threat. What happens sometimes is that there isn't a threat anymore and some people still feel anxious, or people don't feel anxious when they should feel anxious because there is a real threat. In other words, there is a mismatch between the objective environment and the subjective feelings.
It seems is what’s happening with OCD. For instance, you experience a fear of contamination. Good reasons to feel safe aren't sufficient. You seek to eliminate all possibilities of contamination, which is unrealistic, in order to feel safe. It may work for a while, but the anxiety returns after a while. What to do about it?
Ask yourself a question before taking steps to feel safer. Is what I'm doing to feel safer making reality a safer and happier place to live in? If not, don't do it. Practice response prevention, which is difficult at first, but will make you feel better in the long run. For example, some people wash their hands excessively to lessen their fear of contamination, damage their skin and expose it to potential infections. The solution for them is not to rely on the feelings of the moment to decide what to do. Instead, they should ask themselves whether their actions are making their real environment a better place. This a better guide for deciding what to do when they feel anxious.
By the way, if you're in a lot of turmoil, it's extremely difficult to feel connected to anybody. Suffering takes center stage.
I dont have fear of contamination anymore. I had it only during pregnancy and it was hell. Nothing worked then, I was in such pain of constant panic to harm my baby.
Now I am suffering from the memory of pregnancy, not contamination fear.
Personally, I don't have much knowledge and experience with PTSD. Maybe some forum members know more about it. I wish your therapy will eventually bring the desired results.
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