Why do I do this?

[CloroxHippy]

Hello! I was diagnosed with OCD 7 years ago and it’s always manifested (mainly) in ways that involve food and cleaning, as well as things that effect me on a smaller scale such as waking up 3 times each night/being late to work to make sure the doors are still locked, and so on. I just recently began accepting that I need help and getting to a point where I am comfortable asking questions. I spent a long time denying it! A habit I’ve always had in a minor way has recently become quite extreme and I find myself unsure of how to approach it. Lately I feel completely unable to eat until I’ve finished cleaning my house completely. It’s not that I don’t want to- I feel extremely hungry a large portion of the time. I just have this block where it feels like sitting down in an apartment that isn’t perfectly tailored to what my brain requires isn’t even an option. I wake up at 8:30am daily and I work from 12pm-9:30pm with a 30 minute break, so I normally end up waiting until my fiancé leaves and then cleaning until I absolutely have to leave for work. When it’s all said and done I end up not eating until between 5pm and 7pm every day. There are days when I wake up and there is nothing to clean so I put all of my energy into other things and I do eat but more often than not I feel unable to. Although I’ve had OCD for so long, I feel very new to the community since this is one of the first times I’ve confronted it in this way. Does anyone have any tips for controlling these destructive habits? There are more but this is the main one thats been hurting my quality of life. Thank you so much!

[alyssuh]

Hello. Although i don’t have any of the destructive habits you’ve mentioned, i feel saddened that the ocd is taking such a toll on your ability to feed your body. Of course its easier said than done, but i would maybe try cutting down how much you clean bit by bit and eat in between. So if you have 5 rooms and you clean 3 or 4 then you eat and finish the rest after then eat again. And then soon you’ll hopefully find yourself being able to eat without having to have the entire house cleaned before doing so. I’m sorry i don’t have much else to provide 😕 its just sucky that it already is so evil and destructive and now its interfering with your ability to take care of your body!

[flnj in reply to alyssuh]

Hi, I know exactly what you are feeling, but I can't leave my house unless it is in perfect order and each room spotless. I joke that there would have to me a major fire for me to leave anytime before everything is done, including polishing chrome faucets. Its a hard way to live, and after so many years like this, unfortunately, I've just given up. I'm taking 200 my of Zoloft for a year now, and no help for me. Years ago Prozac worked a bit if I took a high dose, but had too many side effects and had to lower dosing. Then of course didn't help at all. I truly hope your find some help as I know how debilitating cleaning a house top to bottom everyday can be! Good luck