Black and white thinking

[Selesnya]

I was going to come onto the forum to ask how to not be completely sucked into black and white thinking, but I think that rereading some of the other recent post is already giving me an answer (even from my own posts, if I can listen to my own advice).

I was going to ask, how do you not analyze a situation and figure out if it is good or bad? How could you ever get to the point of saying that something is say 60% good?

Asking this question misses the point. The point is not to be able to analyze a situation and figure out that some part is good and some is bad, the point is to view the situation as it is and to stop trying to figure it out. This is exactly the same situation as trying to live with uncertainty. Just observe what happens and notice. Don’t pass judgment as to whether this situation is good or bad. Let the emotions and thoughts come as they surely will. Then sit back and sort through what you want to pay attention to and what you choose to set aside.

If you can try to observe your OCD thoughts as just your OCD doing its thing and trying to get certainty about a situation, then you (not your OCD!), can choose how to respond. Maybe something will work or maybe it won’t. Maybe you will fail or maybe you will succeed or maybe it will be some uncertain outcome. Whatever happens you can most likely deal with it, however uncomfortable it may feel. Does this thought or feeling help me? Is it useful? If not, then let it go.

Don’t try to figure out if you are succeeding or failing. Just pay attention to the situation and react with intention and in accordance to your goals and values. Don’t look back to figure out if you did the right thing. Know that you tried your best at that particular moment. Maybe it falls short of your goals, but you are trying. You are doing what you can. Don’t judge yourself. Know that you will make mistakes and that is ok. Know that you won’t always ignore the OCD voice, but once you realize what you are doing you always have a choice to change how you are responding.

I think that this is the opposite of black and white thinking, but I’m not really sure.

[MyOCD123]

Very inspiring post! The most difficult task my therapist asks of me is to stop trying to figure things out, even terrifying thoughts like if I have harmed someone in the past. It feels wrong and irresponsible but I know one day it will be worth it. Sounds like you are doing good and sorting through your own feelings and just observing the situation. Hope you continue your progress and thank you for posting this! You have great insight!

[Selesnya in reply to MyOCD123]

I feel like I'm starting to figure out what I need to do to break off really unhealthy habits and thinking. Putting things into practice is going to be much more challenging.

[Hidden in reply to MyOCD123]

Hi 123 - It's good to hear from you again. It seems like you always pop in when I've taken a day or so off from logging on here. You're right about it being difficult not to figure things out. My OCD doctor told me to not try to figure things out decades ago. (I thought he was crazy, and I'm sure I rolled my eyes to myself) He even wrote it on his prescription pad for me, along with I believe 3 other directives. I wish I still had that RX. That was a clever idea he had.

[MyOCD123 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Sunn-E! I am always around but I have unfortunately been a little busy lately with work and I would like to get back to this forum a bit more and hopefully help others. It's good to hear from you too and I hope you are doing well! Love that your doctor wrote that on a prescription pad. Wishing you the best!

[Wheeloffortune]

Thank you!! You should write a book!! Very inspiring and right on!!

My OCD is: DO SOMETHING!!!, figure it out, fix it, make it happen.

I’ve finally come to the point of saying NO MORE!!! I know the feeling OCD gives me- it’s a visceral reaction. I’m learning to sit with those uncomfortable feelings and literally not do anything to respond. I’m also learning to sit with others being uncomfortable and just listening and empathizing but not doing anything. It has set me free 🙏🙏🙏

[Hidden]

Living in the moment helps me cope sir.

[NickMcOcd]

You hit the nail on the head... "the point is to view the situation as it is and to stop trying to figure it out."

It turns out you don't need to figure all this out and that might in fact be scary for some people who have spent so much time listening to thoughts that instruct them to analyse, give answers, responses and they feel that they must...

Let the thoughts go and just enjoy and live the moment... Take the enormous risk that your OCD brain causes you to react to a lot of useless rubbish and that's what holds you back.