I have similar symptoms. My mind goes blank sometimes with all of the compulsions and worries. It started when I was around 7 years old with a fear that Zi would inadvertently hurt my parents. They were in affirming parents who were quite immature. I remember when it started. I saw my dad on top of my mother chocking here. I had what we call ( I am a psychiatrist) “Hysterical Hallucinations”.
Where I feared after my grandparents took us to NYC ( my brother Brian, and Cousin Mark), to see the movie Bible. I felt like I had a Chinese jump rope around my legs, I could not keep up, I remember my grandmother scolding me, not wanting to lose me in the crowd in NYC. I felt there were little moms and dads in anything I had to insert things in or on or close. I would take 15 try’s to put my pants on for school with my mom yelling “ if you miss the bus again, Im not taking you”
I knew that there were no little mothers and dads in. My jeans that I might crush with my leg, and so on.
To address your symptoms. I was able to utilize response prevention and the OCD became background noise. I treated people with OCD and was very successful but did not tell them if my struggles.
Now that I have had years of stress, including my narcissistic husband. I can not focus enough to complete my work in a timely fashion. I can’t work. I still try.
I can’t get out of the house as my mind thinks of one obsessive thought and compulsion to do over and over. I am terribly distracted. I’m depressed and do not want to get up. I also have MS, which makes it worse but is not severe enough per testing to cause my cognitive dysfunction. I have slowed processing speed due to 5 scars in my head. People have 39 or more and have no problem working. I can’t pull my thoughts together to write a concise and timely note.
I am always late. I have been ridiculed by my colleagues. I have faith in The Lord, and it keeps me going.
For years people thought I had a hearing problem, my husband of course thought Zi was doing this to him on purpose,
I was involved professionally with the first OCD foundation started by Patty Perkins Esq.
I am so anxious, I went for EEG biofeedback and they saw nothing but severe anxiety.
I need a good therapist who won’t throw me out because I am late and psychopharmacologist.
I will suggest you try an tricyclic like anafranil and also, get out of your mind and focus. If you can do this, you'll feel movements in your forehead, almost down to your nose. That's the part of your brain that OCD has kept inactive, now working and communicating with the deeper ends of your brain, just like meditation, this works to eliminate OCD by creating new brain cells. For me, I have almost cured my OCD. I was born with it, my brother has it too. OCD is now my puppet. I thank God for my personal research and knowledge because, being from and also living in Africa where knowledge of mental health is poor, and people with mental illnesses are generally classified schizophrenic, I would have been dead long ago if I didn't know the things I know. Without medication, I have done so much for myself.
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