Scared for tomorrow

[UserRobby]

Hi everyone. I have been dreading tomorrow for quite so time now and now it is finally upon me. Tomorrow is my annual apartment inspection and my anxiety is through the roof. I am so scared of someone touching my things, particularly handles like door knobs, sink, shower, toilet levers, refrigerator handles, and light-switches. I purchased some nitrile gloves they can wear but I'm worried how they will respond to my list of demands. I don't have the energy to de-contaminate everything since lately I can barely walk without getting exhausted. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Hyperadrenergic POTS on top of the OCD. I can't handle the amount of pressure and wish I can just lose my memory of all the OCD fears and compulsions. I guess it makes me feel better that I'm not alone.

[Buginmybrain]

I used to feel the same way when someone would come to my house to fix my exercise equipment!! I'd think "what if he gets cut while working on the equipment?!". I'd panic for days. I always made sure there was a clear path around the equipment, have gloves on hand and a can of Lysol.

I had trouble allowing someone in my house to install tv or anything else like that. I hated it...hated it!

[UserRobby in reply to Buginmybrain]

I have enough anxiety when I have friends or family come over but when strangers need to be in my apartment it reaches very high levels on my SUDS(subjective units of distress/discomfort scale). Are they smokers? Where were they before coming to my apartment? What's on their shoes?

One time, I had an HVAC guy work on my air conditioner and during the whole time his nose was dripping on the floor because he must of had a cold. These are the sorts of fears I have.

Even though I have contamination OCD, I don't worry about germs. I worry about messes and smells most of all.

[Pocketpie]

Contamination fears are my worst. I feel for you!! I don't know what advice to give that doesn't cause you to relent to your OCD. I always track the "trails" of bacteria that people leave behind and then clean them. I know your anxiety and fear right now. All I can say is you are not alone, and I am sorry.

[UserRobby in reply to Pocketpie]

Thankfully I got through it. Thank you for your support!

[Dutch-girl]

I'm having someone come to do work on my house and I am soooo anxious! Effective ERP treatment would say to do no checking or cleaning but that just feels impossible. Maybe you can choose 1 thing that you won't clean...maybe a few door knobs? You may feel anxiety but you will also be proud to be taking a step toward recovery...even if it's a small one. Good luck and remember OCD is a liar....

[UserRobby in reply to Dutch-girl]

My OCD therapist told me that I need to practice ERP 4 times a day so that's my goal right now. I also need to create an updated Anxiety List which lists in order my fears and how much anxiety they would cause if I were to resist doing the associated compulsion.

[Ginger61]

So sorry Robby. I understand how anxious this situation would make you. I feel your pain. I hope it makes you feel better to know you aren’t alone with these types of fears. I have had OCD, depression and anxiety plus panic attacks since I was in 3rd grade and I’m now 62. It isn’t easy but you are strong and can get through this. Remember OCD is all lies none of it is true. Easier to say than believe right but we have to in order to survive. You can get through this!

[UserRobby in reply to Ginger61]

I really want to believe that my OCD is all lies but its so hard when the anxiety it produces is so real.

[Ginger61 in reply to UserRobby]

Believe me I know. It’s easy for me to tell you that because I know it rationally but when it comes to my OCD and I’m thinking irrationally I’m in the same boat you are. Every time I drive somewhere I’m convinced I’m hitting pedestrians or causing accidents. Sometimes it takes me more than an hour to get back home from a simple trip to the grocery store because I think I hit someone and have to go back and check and then when I go back and check I think I hit someone else and I just end up driving in circles checking and checking. I know it’s a lie but it seems so real and I just can’t be sure that something didn’t happen m. But in reality could I really be hitting all those people every time I drive somewhere. Wouldn’t there be damage to my car, wouldn’t I know if I hit someone. It’s exhausting and that’s only one of the many OCD lies I deal with on a daily basis. Keep fighting please. Don’t let it win.

[UserRobby]

**UPDATE**

Well, I finally got through it and there was a bad episode but in the end it worked out. I need to explain that with my physical illness I can get an "emptiness" in my head which is sort of how you would feel with severe sleep deprivation and the best way to treat it is with exercise. Unfortunately, I was past due with my aerobic exercise so yesterday was a "perfect storm" of lack of sleep, "emptiness" due to being physically deconditioned, along with the immense stress of the inspection.

So the two people who entered my apartment were incredibly nice and understanding with my OCD needs. The lady had no problems wearing the gloves I bought her and she even allowed me to do most of the inspection myself, opening and turning on things.

My problem was that at the end, I saw her look at a split in the paint on the ceiling and jot down something on her clipboard. I was so preoccupied at the time that I forgot to ask whether that meant there would be a "work order" which means that someone would have to come in and do work in my apartment.

After they left, I finally remembered and could not handle the uncertainity of whether she submitted a work order or not. All I wanted was some peace of mind and some closure. Finally, I forced myself to go on the treadmill and my mental anxiety and "emptiness" started to get better.

In the end, I didn't have to de-contaminate anything except myself. I did have to make sure the windows were closed and secured because they had inspected them earlier.

Thank you all for your kind and heartwarming words. I read each of your replies to my parents over the phone and my mom was becoming teary eyed. Thank you again for your support.

I survived it!!

[LuvSun in reply to UserRobby]

👍

[Ginger61]

Congratulations!!!!! Good job. So proud of you 😊