Why..

[dbeck128]

Hi all. Recently I just feel like this isn’t OCD and these thoughts are something I’ve wanted to do all along. If I don’t want to do it, then why do I think it?

I’m also to the point I felt like I did do it I wouldn’t feel bad, please tell me this is normal. Why is my mind turning against me? I’m so miserable. Any intrusive thought you could possibly think it’s crossed my mind to the point it doesn’t bother me anymore which is so insanely annoying because it makes me wonder if I’m really the person my thoughts say I am.

If I wasn’t, wouldn’t I just be able to let the thoughts go and be able to reassure myself? Not be stuck in this loop almost EVERY day. I’ve tried several ANTI depressants which don’t help, I just have reverse symptoms of worsening depression and every other side effect you could think of. I’m at the end of my rope. It feel like nothing will get better and I’m angry.

[MyOCD123]

Hi,

Firstly l think it’s important to note that not just OCD sufferers have intrusive thoughts. These happen to all of us! And well I don’t know why, I do know that they are perfectly normal to have.

You mention you’re getting used to the thoughts. When I overcame some of my obsessions with OCD I felt extremely guilty for no longer getting anxious around the thoughts. It bothered me so badly that I was unbothered by them. I thought it must mean something, and that I was a terrible person. After a while our minds will get bored with the intrusive thoughts and so it’s normal that they no longer get a response out of you. You are never who OCD says you are because OCD is a big fat liar. It never tells a truth. No matter how real it feels.

Lastly, not to give too much reassurance, but if you really were this terrible person who wants to do bad things it wouldn’t be causing you distress and you certainly wouldn’t be posting about it here. I know how it feels to be stuck on that loop. I’m there now and it’s miserable. But we have to hold on to the idea that recovery is possible! I’m no doctor or OCD specialist but what you’re going through sounds very normal and very OCD to me. Hang in there!

[Katz101]

Have you tried CBT!? No one knows how to upset us more than our own OCD! I've been there with that one. You're not alone.

[lml885]

If they did bother you at one point, you probably aren’t going to act on them nor do you like them. The fact that they don’t bother you anymore means that you have made progress with your OCD. You should feel good. People without OCD just let the thoughts go and don’t let them bother them. If that is what you are doing then I would consider your OCD to be going away which is a good thing.

[bab5]

As MyOCD123 said, not only OCD sufferers have brutal intrusive thoughts.

It may be OCD spurring these intrusive thoughts, but it really comes down to each individual in terms of intrusive thoughts.

OCD has a mind of its own. That’s why you think it, even though there’s no way that you would ever do it.

I was also at the point where I felt like I could act on the intrusive thoughts and there wouldn’t be any actual consequences. Your mind may be turning against you because OCD has a mind of its own. Therefore, it’s not really your mind. It’s OCD.

I understand that you feel as if every possible intrusive thought has crossed through your head.

OCD has a mind of its own. It brings about intrusive thoughts that you would never act on as a sober human being.

Reassurance of this can be a temporary fix, but it just contributes to the endless cycle of OCD in the long run.

No. You would not be able to let the thoughts go and be able to reassure yourself. This is because OCD has a mind of its own and it is called the “Doubting Disease” for a reason. Complete reassurance is entirely impossible for those with OCD.

This loop is the vicious OCD cycle. It never really stops. For some, it never even takes a break.

I am sorry to hear that medications are not helping. I am even more saddened to hear that the medications bring about side effects that worsen your condition. Ugh

I was at the end of my rope as well. I felt the same was as you.

Are you angry at yourself?

Or, are you angry at your OCD?

Two different ideas.