Feeling of guilt over choice made

[Anon_wiltshire]

Myself and my husband are unable to have our own biological children. Our options going forward are sperm donor or adoption. We have chosen not to proceed with either option as neither feel right for us. I however sometimes get a over whelming feeling of guilt for making this choice, and feel we are judged with people thinking we couldn’t have wanted children that much then. I have a few friends who have made this comment however they are not in the position we are or having to deal with and process the circumstances we find ourselves in. Does anyone else feel like this or have had similar reactions from others?

[IndieBlue]

This is the same position we are in, and I feel exactly the same way.

I don’t think people realise the impact of their statements and just how hard the journey and decisions are that we have been forced to make. I always remember my sister saying to me you need to be happy with any decisions you make. I will never be happy with the options left to us, but we have to live with it. We didn’t stop on this journey because we were happy with the outcome. We stopped because it was so hard we couldn’t continue with it, and I think this is what people don’t understand.

I hope you are doing ok, wish there was more I could say to help.

[Atti123]

Hi,

I have just been given the news 2 weeks ago by our GP that we are able to have children and if we can to go through the doner sperm route or adoption. we don't want to go through with that as we don't feel it is the right choice for us. I don't know what to go or how to feel. I feel angry and upset as to why us, I just want to curl up in bed and just cry.

I feel like giving up...what and whom am I working so hard for? nothing now.. nothing at all...

[Anon_wiltshire in reply to Atti123]

Am sorry to hear of your situation, I have since had counselling and that really helped, we are now 2 years on from our news. It is grief which you will be going through and have learnt that it’s ok to be angry, sad, numb and that you are to allow yourself to feel that way because that’s how you feel. Do not let yourself act/ feel a way in which others judge you should be.

As mentioned I received counselling and this really helped, however you need to do this when you are ready.

If you ever need to talk then please do get in touch.

[Librarylover]

This is so hard. I had these options too, but neither were successful. Sperm donation is often unsuccessful because it is such a medicalised procedure, and it is deeply stressful. I ran out of time with that, then we were accepted for adoption, but it is deeply stressful too. Don’t feel guilty about your choices, just be sure you will have no regrets later. And people will judge you anyway - that’s their choice, but you do not need to accept their judgement, or justify yourself in any way. If you can be generous enough to respond in an unhurtful way, you may be able to give them some insight into your situation, but this is very hard to do when there is so much hurt inside. You have my sincerest sympathy.