How do you move on?

[Anon_wiltshire]

It’s been nearly two years since our fertility journey ended and still don’t feel ready to accept it. Do you ever really accept it and if not how do you move on? I’m aware there are other options such as adoption, however still don’t ready to peruse this. I know other couples who are in the same position as us and feel they are moving on much quicker then us. I feel there is pressure and and judgement from others with some saying ‘it’s about time you accepted it, it’s been two years...’

Do others on this forum feel the same?

[Mara84]

Hi dear, I'm really sorry.... not in the exact situation however I felt I could share with you how I feel... I had two missed miscarriages and one failed IVF cycle, at the moment we are doing our second ICSI round.... last round we find out my husband sperm quality was the reason for failed cycle... since then some of my close friends are suggesting why not adoption and every time someone is mentioning it my heart breaks a little more. It’s very hard to accept and somehow even impossible for me at the moment. I just wanted to say it’s painful and not easy so take all the time you need. We are different to one another, maybe even talk to someone and get all the help you need. Also I don’t take two years is a very long time, I’m still in tears every time I think of my first miscarriage and that was two years ago... hope you feel better soon. Xx

[Caudalie11]

Hi Anon_wiltshire, what people are failing to recognise is that what you are feeling is grief and for this there is no timeline. Everyone's grief is different and the only way to move through it is to grieve. Unfortunately when others put pressure on you to move on they are only helping you to do the opposite. It's called disenfranchised grief. I think it would really help you to take a look at the Gateway Women website, a fabulous resource where you'll find lots of resources and other people in the same boat. Jody Day who set it up also wrote Living the Life Unexpected an amazing book which really helped me to understand my grief and work through it. There's a new edition of the book being published in March. I think both these things would really help you, and help in your relationship with other people who often just don't get it.

I'm really sorry your fertility journey ended, it's really hard. I'm 7 or 8 years down the path now and can honestly say it does get better. Finding your tribe, and gaining more understanding is key. Good luck and stay connected whether its here or gateway women or in other ways. Xx