Heartbroken and so alone

[DaisyThoughts]

Anybody here single and trying to cope with the profound sadness and grief related to involuntary childlessness? I feel robbed that I've never even been in a relationship position to even try to conceive and now it's too late. I feel so empty and alone.

[Hidden]

Hi daisy ...my situation is different but the grief from childlessness is similar. I am so sorry to hear about your heartache and you are in a good place to share it with people who understand.

Have you ever done a gateway women meetup? There are lots of them across the UK. And the majority of the ones I go to are of women in your situation. I hope you get to attend one as it is so encouraging to meet people in the same shoes. X

[DaisyThoughts in reply to Hidden]

Hi Fuzzy_winker. Thanks for your reply though so sorry to hear that you have such heartache too.

I have looked into Gateway Women but didn't like the fact that they wanted to verify your identity when it's a paid site. I can't see why your identity on your card payment isn't enough. It's heartening though that you say many you've met seem to be in a similar position to me. I've met no-one else in my position and find it hard listening to people's tales of their trying to conceive journeys when I didn't even get that. X

[Hidden in reply to DaisyThoughts]

Hi Daisy,

which UK city are you nearest? There are alot of different support groups or gatherings that would offer you really good support. And meeting people in your shoes is so important.

There is a group called the league of fabulous women tlfw.co.uk. the Manchester one regularly meet up and are mostly single ladies.

Gateway women have an online grp. Free for a month and then for some reason you have to pay? But worth connecting to see if there are people nr you for support.

Fertility network have local volunteers who would love to meet up with you and if you email them they will connect you to someone nr you.

I would also try the meet up...I think I had to put an email and Facebook link but it never shows up and I didn't put my debit details in I managed to skip that. I have tried a few and found one with people in that I connect with.

I also have to say that it's my single childfree friends that have got me through these last few yrs. We both understand grief and loss and things not working out as planned. Building up an army of soul sisters who can journey through this with empathy and love makes it so much easier.

(I am in Manchester if that's close?)

XXX

[DaisyThoughts in reply to Hidden]

Hi Fuzzy_winker. Thanks so much for your helpful reply. The nearest city to me is Canterbury in Kent. I'll have to look into the groups more. I don't drive and have social anxiety which is why the online stuff is easier but I agree that it must be good to find others in a similar position to connect with in person. X

[Hidden in reply to DaisyThoughts]

Hi Daisy,

it is alot easier online I totally understand. I think there is a bigger percentage of childless through singleness women on gateway women forum. So see how you get on there using your first free month.

Jody days book is really helpful to. She lists over 50 ways women can end of childless. And mentions how we are a unique generation as one in four women are now childless. The last time we had figures like this was during the war time because all the men were dying. So it's quite shocking but also reassuring to know we are not alone.

I would also recommend counselling in whatever form is best for you. I have recently finished a 6 wk CBT course over the phone. And I found it really helpful to talk through my fears anxieties and issues and it gave me better understanding of overcoming negative thought patterns and have come out feeling alot more in control.

One of the issues with childlessness is the complete unfairness of it and there is nothing you can do about it. There are some brilliant techniques in Jody's book for getting a plan B for your life and being kind to yourself.

I hope you have a great week Daisy xxx

[DaisyThoughts in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Fuzzy_winker. It's not the cost (though I realise that you can get a free month) that puts me off Gateway Women but the fact they want to verify your ID. I really don't want to send my passport or drivers license copy. Yes, it's sensitive information being divulged but there is on here too. I'm not comfortable with that so am going to try the books from women that have been there. I've had a lot of counselling but I'm still struggling. Thanks for your input and I hope that things are going well for you at present.