Feels like torture!!!!

[Sammylou51]

Hi all

I know the title may sound a little dramatic but that’s how I feel right now. It’s 4 months since I had my hysterectomy after years of fertility treatment and I went back to work last week. I work as a nursery nurse with the health visiting team so with children from birth to 5 years. Last week I was doing 2 year development checks, which I coped fine with, but today I’m supposed to be doing my first baby weighing clinic and I just can’t face it. 😟. I’m sat on my bed trying to get ready to force myself to go and it just doesn’t feel fair. It feels like I’m torturing myself. I have to say work have been amazing in supporting me. So I’m just thinking of going into the office and not going to the clinic. Although I know I have to do it at some point. I’m just hoping it will get easier with time? Does anyone have any tips or ideas to help? I’ve always loved my job but this is just so hard. I was thinking maybe I should force myself and it may not be as bad as I’m thinking but it just feels so wrong. Everything in my body is screaming no and I have been so down previously that I don’t want to go backwards. Sorry for the long post. Just hoping someone might have some ideas. Thanks xx

[wendyWaz]

hi sammylou, Firstly you have really well dealing with the 2year checks last week so draw on the positives from that.

I would say don't force yourself to do something your body is telling you not, just going into the office will be enough for you, if that's what you can do.

The first time dealing with new borns will be hard but maybe not as bad as you think BUT you have to be ready yourself. I hope work will be understanding.

Sorry no tips bit take care yourself.xx

[Hidden]

Hi Sam,

my heart goes out to you darling. You have done so well to go through a grueling operation and get back to work. And like Wendy said to cope with yr2 checks is a massive achievement.

I don't know why but I cope alot better with toddlers than babies. It's just too raw with tiddlers...and so with friends I give them a good 10 months before I see them with their new kids. I wonder if work could give you that grace for a period where you don't have to deal with under 1's? It may give you the time you need?

I do think you're amazing to go back to this job and don't forget just how brave you are. Xxxx

[Sammylou51 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I’m really struggling at the moment. The doctor has increased my anti depressant medication. I’m reading Jody Days book and booked onto her webinar on Tuesday. All I seem to do is argue with Ray and it’s taking all my strength to not just stay in bed and hide myself away. 😟 My GP said to just remember a small achievement from each day. So I’m really trying. I just hope it gets easier soon. I hope your ok. Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Sammylou51]

Do you think its got worse since going back to work? I find my emotional resilience has been floored when everyday you have an internal battle going on, it makes the other stresses harder to handle.

It will get easier, and reading books like Jody Day's and feeling good/new mood therapy have really helped me. But also keep being kind to yourself, what is best for you right now? do you need to change the age of kids you work with? change hrs to help? change department? change job?

I know since being off work for my operation I have felt emotionally better because I don't have to deal with any other emotional stresses. Its made me question if full time work is what's best for me right now. xxx