Still struggling

[Sammylou51]

Hi all

Just needed to offload and ask for some support. So I had my hysterectomy 10 weeks ago now after years of struggling to have children and I thought emotionally I was doing well. I’ve been having counselling and thought it was helping. I’ve had a lovely weekend with family but today I’ve woken up and feel like I could just cry all day. I feel like I don’t know if I can go back to work. I don’t feel like I fit in any where. I don’t know what else I want to do with my life now I won’t be a mum, as it’s all I’ve ever wanted. I feel like one minute I want to be with my partner all the time and the next I’m pushing him away. I feel really confused as I thought I was doing better. Does it ever get easier? Does anyone else feel like this too. Thanks for listening to my rant. Xx

[Rosiefife]

Hey there lovely lady, I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve gone through and what you’re feeling. I just joined this site today and you’re the first person I’ve met so “hi!” I think we may have something in common. I’m 48, although I’ve not had a hysterectomy I am peri menopausal and oh what a right old laugh that is!!! I also have endometriosis and because of this and so many personal factors I am now a member of the “involuntarily childless” club. It’s only recently I realised that girls like us exist and that’s exactly how I feel actually..I just exist. I’ve felt very alone, very scared not knowing why I’m here completely lost my identity. I recently married a lovely man, he has a son who I have a fabulous relationship with...I should be grateful for that surely? No, he’s not my son, he’s not my child...I never experienced the life changing moment you become pregnant, I so so wanted to be a Mum and it’s tearing me apart. I have put on a brave face for everyone for so long..

So I can feel your plight, I actually cried when I read your comment, we are both childless through different circumstances and sounds like you like myself need to be around people who have been through similar. I am just waiting for someone from my local support group to get in touch. I think you should do the same. Have you contacted the support page?

Not sure if I can be of any help to you but I do know hysterectomies can take a lot out of you, your hormones will be all over the place and definitely won’t be helping with how you’re feeling. I am at my most depressed when I’m alone. Despite what you think just now going back to work may be the best thing you can do to keep you busy, but you go back when you’re ready. You need to recover from the hysterectomy and then heal emotionally and mentally. It’ll all take time but you definitely need support, so glad you have a loving partner, I have the same he is the most wonderful man and gets pushed away on a regular basis bless him, so you’re not alone there lol! If they love us they’ll endure the rejection for long as it takes lol. But seriously I hope you are in a better place today. You have my shoulder anyway. Rosie x

[Sammylou51 in reply to Rosiefife]

Hi Rosie.

Thank you for your kind response and welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear all you have been and are going through. At least we have support from one another on here. I have found this site to be a great support.

I don’t have a local support group but they did hold something in London, about 1 and 1/2 hrs away from me, but I missed it due to my surgery. I am going along to fertility fest in London this weekend. So hopefully that will help me.

I have had a better day today as I went on a spa day with my two closest friends as it’s my birthday on Monday. I had a lovely day and it really cheered me up.

I really want to go back to work to give me something to focus on other than my thoughts. Also to get a bit of normality back. The only problem being I work as part of the health visiting team, working with babies, children and pregnant women everyday. So I don’t know if it will help. I was off work with depression prior to my surgery and I don’t want to go back there. As I feel I shut down to be able to do my job. I’ve looked for other jobs but there’s nothing suitable at the moment. Plus we’re looking to move house so I need to stay put until we get the mortgage sorted.

Thanks for listening. Hope someone from your support group gets in touch soon. Sam xx

[Mel77]

Ladies, I found this somewhere on the internet. Just thought it might sound encouraging ~

'Obama retired at 55. Tramp started at 70. Sydney is 3 hours ahead of Perth, but that doesn’t make Perth slow. Someone graduated at the age of 22. But waited 5 years before securing a good job. Someone became a CEO at 50 and lived to 90 years. Someone is still single, while someone else got married. Everyone in this world works based on their time zone. People around you might seem to be ahead of you. And some might seem to be behind you. But everyone is running their own race, in their own time. Do not envy them and do not mock them. They are in their time zone, and you are in yours. Life is about waiting for the right moment to act. So relax. You’re not early. You’re not late. You are very much on time.’

[lc01sw]

Hi Sammylou, I had a hysterectomy September 2011, after suffering with polycystic ovaries and fibroids so know how you feel, I was off work for three months when I made a good recovery but when I went back to work there were two people pregnant and that is when it hits me and had to have counseling which did help and have had it since when one of the counsellors was childless herself which was a bonus for me. But going back to your job as a health visitor is going to be extremely difficult for you, hope you manage to find a way through it or a new job that doesn't cause you emotional distress. Take care

[Sammylou51 in reply to lc01sw]

Hi lc01sw

Thank you for your reply. Sorry to hear you have been through something similar.

I am feeling better the last couple of days. I had a meeting with my manager today about returning to work and we have made a plan and I feel better about it but think I will keep my eye out for something new.

Xx

[lc01sw]

Hi Sammylou, hope all goes well for you on the work front x