More To Life
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Struggling with knowing I will never have a child

After 3 years of going for different testing through the hospital and advising me I was just one of the unlucky ones that may never become a parent and packed off. I have this week been told that I am now unable to have IVF because my partner has previously fathered a child.

Am now struggling with the fact I will never be a mum and find myself crying for the child I will never have and getting upset everytime someone posts about they are pregnant on social media.

I don't feel I can talk to anyone about this as am keeping a brave face and pretending am ok but really am breaking inside.

3 Replies

hi, I'm really sorry to hear how much your struggling. It's extremely hard and it is like a grief process. I joined this group a few months ago. I've found it's been a tremendous support. I've struggled with endometriosis for 15 years. I had 2 failed ivf and I'm now in an early menopause just as all my friends and sisters are having babies. I found talking to people on here a great support. You find that your feelings aren't irrational or bitter. Your struggle to deal with other people's happiness at this time is not abnormal. I've found that the actual announcements and all the baby talk during the pregnancy is the hardest. I can actually feel happy for them once the baby is here. Just don't expect me to go to the baby shower and I wish people will maybe think when going on about kids and babies all night long on evenings out when you struggle to join in. A lady on here said not to be hard on yourself and it is like mourning a death. You may not feel it now but with time you will find it easier. I am starting to feel better now than I did. I think it was learning to except and try to think of other ways in life to be happy. I'm not completely there but I'm also not destroyed and empty like I was six months ago. If you ever need to talk I'm here. There are a lot of other really great woman on this site.

1 like

Thank you so much for that I relate to all of the things you have said I've found myself moving posts when people announce. Am also finding it extra hard this weekend with it being mothersday am thinking I will never get a card or just someone to call me mummy. Like you say probably because it is so new it's like am still in shock that in this day and age if your partner has parents a child know one wants to help you. They don't think abut the other person that doesn't have one. I feel like I've been tossed aside.


Hi, just read your post and wanted to say I'm so sorry that you too are walking this painful journey.

In this difficult time i have found it really helpful to be kind to myself. This means not to go on Facebook aka babybook. I have selected friends that have brought me joy and understanding. The child obsessed friends i have left in their bubble.

I have gone to grief counseling, which has been a massive help to understand the process of grief. I have also found Jody days book really helpful.

It's taken me seven long yrs to understand i am not responsible for my infertility. It's nothing i have done or not done. Life does suck sometimes. But it also does get easier.

Lots of love x


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