Struggling to make sense of life


My name is Tahnee and I am sitting here after a miscarriage after my second attempt at egg donation. I have reduced ovarian reserve and to be honest a myriad of other problems. I feel lost, alone and very isolated. I have been to support groups for fertility but eveyone I started with is now pregnant. I am really looking for how to cope with a life childless and the guilt and shame i feel. I am clutching at straws really on how to deal with this. Is there any support groups or counsellors or anything where I could talk to someone about how to cope.

Thanks everyone

Tahnee xx

3 Replies

  • Hi Tahnee you have come to the right place as this site is a support group. Sorry to hear about your struggle, it sounds like you need to talk to other people in your situation. Where do you live? I am from North Manchester but haven't been through the same situation as you, I had a hysterectomy 5 years ago because of heavy periods caused by having polycystic ovaries and fibroids suffering with excruciating pain each month it was a hard decision but it was affecting my work and health.Take care Laura

  • I'm so sorry. We used DE for round 3 of ICSI and got a 3rd BFN. I'd had 2 mcs from natural conceptions before being told we needed ICSI. I was able to access some counselling through my employers following the mcs amd then again after ceasing treatment. Whilst it did help, especially to understand the grief cycle, I got the impression the 2nd lady didn't really understand the particular form of grief caused by failed treatment and the pain of accepting childlessness. If you are looking for a private counsellor check that they are a fertility specialist. Does your clinic offer counselling?

    It's been nearly a year since our 3rd BFN and it has been hard but I feel I am moving on.

    This is not your fault but I know what you mean about the guilt, shame and the feeling that everyone else seems to be able to get pregnant. Try to be kind to yourself and recover physically and emotionally from the mc before making any decisions about further treatment, if this is even an option for you. 3 rounds was our limit due to a variety of factors including cost (self funded), age (wrong side of 40), didn't work with either own or DE, emotional impact (I couldn't face any more tests or failures). A follow up appointment can be part of the "closure" process even if the consultant can't offer any explanation for failure.

  • Hi 👋

    Thank you for your honesty & thoughtful response. I'm so sorry for your long journey. I think bravery is stopping treatment and realising when that is the time to do so ! I admire your strength. Donor egg was meant to be our golden ticket but alas it does not work for everyone. Life simply can't be predicted .


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