Despairing

[nathglew]

I married my wife just over a year ago and we've been casually trying for a baby for the last 4/5 years. Its now become evident that because of her age and an ongoing medical condition that we may never have a child of our own. She does have 2 semi grown up children that are great step kids but it's not the same no matter how I try. I am after advice as I'm finding it really hard to open up, especially to my wife as everything is still raw and means we usually end up arguing which is the last thing that I want. Any advice would be great as I'm feeling heartbroken atm

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse More To Life]

Hi nathglew. Becoming a step-parent and not being able to have a family “of your own” is a double whammy that takes some coping with. Initially, I would recommend that you get in touch with a counsellor through your GP so that you can talk over all your feelings and experiences in a neutral environment. You can also find a fertility counsellors who will be experienced in marital relations and moving on from not having your own child – plus coping with step-children by accessing bica.net Having a partner with children from a previous relationship can be challenging for lots of reasons, and it’s good to read that you appear to be getting on well with them. Try to understand the loyalty conflicts your wife might be experiencing too. It will help your relationship if you can empathise (even if you don’t like it!) especially if your wife feels like ‘piggy in the middle’ between you and her previous family. Lots to talk over I’m sure, so do try and get an appointment with an appropriate counsellor, and I wish you every success and hope your current situation soon improves. Diane

[nathglew in reply to DianeArnold]

Thanks for the feedback, was considering counselling as it's become the elephant in the room as every time I've tried to bring anything up just to clear the air, she goes for me, bringing up quite a bit. I appreciate that she's feeling hurt as I am and she thinks that I see her just as a baby provider, only thing is that I have always wanted to be a father from an early age. I know it sounds really bad but I am still unsure as to what I am going to do (during the most recent argument, I was told that there would be no blame if I left) but I love the bones of her, stuck between a rock and a hard place never seemed more apt.

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse More To Life in reply to nathglew]

Hi nathglew. Definitely go for some counselling, it should help you so much with how to tackle such situations as that. It would be good if your wife could go with you too. Diane