were do NOn-drinkiers go to meet people[a decent girl]

[lonelySmurf]

i have been sober for 4 years now and living a very lonely live.i want to meet a decent girl but WHERE???

[Getting-By]

Hi

First of well done for being sober. Sorry to here you are feeling lonely I know that feeling is there any clubs you could goto? I did some group therapy recently and meet a lot of nice people there I have also met people through doing volunteering just some suggestions.

[lonelySmurf in reply to Getting-By]

hi thanks for replying.i have went to clubs in the past,but im in no longer than 30 min's,have to leave cause of drunk ppl.were i live [northern ireland]there is nothing for the like's of me.my mum died 5 years ago and since that my family split.i started taking drugs[been clean 2 1/2 years now].i keep myself to myself,the thought of sucide has started to be become more common in my thoughts.i dont want drink or drugs.i want to stay clean [lead a normal life]but cant seem to get it started. i have a daughter age 8 which is the reason why im still alive[but her mums making it hard as she can for my contact]i have taking her to court for regular access,but im only getting 5 hours a week.the mother just wants me outa her live,i dont kno f i can keep this up.

K

[Getting-By]

Hi

Sounds like you are having a really tough time at the moment have you spoke with your GP regarding this? He may be able to prescribe some medication to help with the symptoms of depression? or refer you to some therapy such as CBT or Mindfulness. Mindfulness has really helped me focus my life again so could recommend that but just a suggestion.

I have been down the alcohol & drug route basically self medicating so I can understand you not wanting to stay in a pub. You have made a good step posting here as you will find it helps to speak to others who can relate to what you are going through.

There are a lot of good dating sites on the internet I know a lot of my friends who have used them and said they are a good way of meeting people.

Have a look on the action on depression web page as there is a lot of resources there and there is always the samaritans if you need to talk to someone we are also here to listen and support you so don't feel alone.

[lonelySmurf in reply to Getting-By]

Yeah i hear what your saying.my gp has me on mirtazapine 45mg for the last 8/9 months.also on 3x5mg valium for the last 9/10 years .iv had depression for that long iv tried everything ,and as i was saying if sucicide wasnt so selfish i prob would have taking a overdose of STUFF,i see my doc every 2 weeks.i will be saying to him next week as hte last few days i have noticed my thoughts being very negitive and sucicide.

thanks

K

[Getting-By]

Hi K

I am glad you are going to speak with your GP and its good you see them regularly so they can monitor your progress. Sounds to me like the Meds are not working the best so might be a good idea to speak to them about that. Let us know how your appointment goes and keep posting here we are here for you.

[Hidden]

Hi,

I feel for you, it is so difficult to meet people, especially to find a partner. You've done well to beat the drinking! It sounds as though you have a lot to cope with at the moment what with the difficulties over contact with your daughter and it is more difficult to meet people in some places than in others.

The only advice I can give is to develop interests and hobbies and then get yourself into places that connect with what you like doing, that way you stand a chance of mixing with people who like the same things which makes it more likely you will find someone even if the interests have never been developed. For example if you like the idea of gardening join the local gardening society, if you like stamp collecting join a local club, if you like car mechanics go to a class for that. Classes are a way to learn something and maybe meet someone, not necessarily a girlfriend but the more friends you develop the more likely you are to meet a potential girlfriend. Search via citizens advice for anything you might enjoy and join it or go to it. I know that's easier said than done, especially when depressed! I'm lucky that I'm married, although my husband has serious health problems so is not company for me most of the time. The relationship is far from perfect. I met my husband through a newspaper soulmates column so you might try that way of meeting someone, the only advice I would give is to be totally honest because then you are more likely to meet someone who will accept you as you are and not have idealistic fantasies that you then fail to live up to. You might also try the suggestion of internet dating if you think that might suit you, I know two couples who met that way, just don't rule anybody out until you've given them a chance. Another way would be to consider putting an advert for friends, maybe walking companions or people to share an interest, in a local shop window or paper.

I agree with the advice from getting by - volunteering is a great way to meet people, but despite knowing that I've always felt too low to bring myself to join in although I know it would help me.

I'm sorry if these suggestions all feel useless in your situation. There are no easy answers. Most people meet through work or a hobby or interest, or through a network of friends, so you can only work at all of those and make a happy life for yourself without a partner - then you might be pleasantly suprised one day.

Suexx

[missrat]

I'd agree with Sue - volunteering and hobbies are the best way to meet people outside a drink/drugs setting. I also find church helpful. For me, my hobby of keeping pet rats - becoming involved in showing etc. is really helpful. Although not actual 'company' - internet sharing is a great help. An Irish group - AWARE - has a good website, some face-to-face meetings and a good forum each weeknight.

Well done those of you who have overcome drink or drug problems, and for your courage in staying away from places of temptation.

Ann xx

[hamble99b]

night school classes for education or hobbies, drama groups, church or community groups.

Just a few thoughts.

regards,

sandra.

[scottty]

hiya i feel the same iam not a drinker and dont smoke i have lupus my x couldnt handle it from

caroline