Feeling Abandoned

[DontJudge]

Years older now, and it still only feels as yesterday, my primary school days felt like the best of my life and really also felt like the start of my terror living. Dad took us to school almost everyday, helped out with assignment, things were just so blissful and in school though, I've never really been cool at having lots of friends, I keep a very small circle and just move round with them. I had few friends back then with only one whom I really held on to and felt connected with, we played, were attached and discussed our opinions on things together. Little did I know, that life was not going to keep us all together in the same boat forever.

After primary school, on to secondary school, things took a big turn in our household, my dad lost his job 😔 and things we're just so had I had to attend a public secondary which felt like hell by the way, they were lots of bloody fights by the students every single day, I was in a strange place but I had no choice cause we were struggling at home. I felt so abandoned and lonely cause none of my friends especially the one I was so attached to was absent, they all moved on to private schools but here I am, one of the brightest and I'm struggling in a public school. I couldn't make friends, I always struggled with making new friends, it just felt so damn hard for me so I stayed through the term with only two friends (one from my previous school whom I wasn't close with before and another new guy in the school).

After a term, we had to move to a new house. Moving felt crazy all again, having to restart the circle of making new friends, surprisingly it was easier than before, I made pretty cool friends in my junior school and lived happier than in previous school. My dad got a new job thankfully, however, he had to travel away from home to his workplace and only visited us once in months. And at some point, it started to feel like I was abandoned again when we saw him less often cause we couldn't speak to him like we did, tell him things or ask for opinions as we used. Few years later, he got a job closer to home and transferred here. We saw more often now but every now and then, he feels like a stranger. He tries his best as a father to be there for us financially and support our education cause his dad never really did for him and I see his efforts that's why, I put my best in my education though cause I feel like I owe him for all his done and all, but we just feel so estranged cause he doesn't really talk much and I think he suffers from anxiety as well (probably inherited it from him) and it hurts bad at times to want to care, feel and ask him how he's doing but we just seem so distant.

Sorry for the long write up, just wanted to express how I feel and let it all out cause I've been holding on for way too long