Sleepless Nights and Continuing Anxiety

[Blueshirt]

7 years ago I joined Health Unlocked; it has provided me with some support, it has helped me. 7 years ago I wrote: " I wish I could just close my eyes and go, disappear. No-one loves me; no-one will miss me. I don't even like myself. I am a 61 year old jobless lonely failure, a waste of space. Life is just c*** I like this forum as at least I can write how I feel. I can't remember what it's like to be happy. I feel like I am watching the world through a plate glass window. No one can hear me but then again no one cares. I suspect I'm the same, only I don't really care for myself. I don't fit in anywhere here. I suspect I'm not really a human being; another life form probably who just was mistakenly given a human like body." Since then I have had some happiness. But many, many nights I awake panicking. Unlike Sinatra I have many regrets; I wish I was like him with "too few to mention". For reasons I do not know I have thrown away my life. I used copious amounts of drink and drugs to have what I thought was fun when I was younger. Of course those conscience less bedfellows made a fool out of me and hastened and increased my destruction. I thought I was so clever; I wasn't. I am not. Now I am a regretful, sad, foolish, stupid, scared, lonely old man. If you have read this without being bored thank you. If you feel some kind thoughts or say a prayer for me, thank you. I got through the last 7 years. I may or may not be here in 7 years time; a strange thought. Thank you for listening

[Hidden]

We live in world where many are alone. I am divorced and do not expect to get partner. I have disabled son in Care Home. This world does not pay attention to our feeling and you cope the best you can. Watching the birds and looking at flowers helps. But really there needs to be more charities and help available. The land of plenty could afford charities to help the lonely