Sleepless Nights and Continuing Anxiety

[Blueshirt]

7 years ago I joined Health Unlocked; it has provided me with some support, it has helped me. 7 years ago I wrote: " I wish I could just close my eyes and go, disappear. No-one loves me; no-one will miss me. I don't even like myself. I am a 61 year old jobless lonely failure, a waste of space. Life is just c*** I like this forum as at least I can write how I feel. I can't remember what it's like to be happy. I feel like I am watching the world through a plate glass window. No one can hear me but then again no one cares. I suspect I'm the same, only I don't really care for myself. I don't fit in anywhere here. I suspect I'm not really a human being; another life form probably who just was mistakenly given a human like body." Since then I have had some happiness. But many, many nights I awake panicking. Unlike Sinatra I have many regrets; I wish I was like him with "too few to mention". For reasons I do not know I have thrown away my life. I used copious amounts of drink and drugs to have what I thought was fun when I was younger. Of course those conscience less bedfellows made a fool out of me and hastened and increased my destruction. I thought I was so clever; I wasn't. I am not. Now I am a regretful, sad, foolish, stupid, scared, lonely old man. If you have read this without being bored thank you. If you feel some kind thoughts or say a prayer for me, thank you. I got through the last 7 years. I may or may not be here in 7 years time; a strange thought. Thank you for listening