My partner and I fell out a week ago. Background he had 2 nights out planned with work on the weekends he has his children. We are a blended family with 4 kids between us. He has his children alternative weekends and these nights out where on the consecutive weekends his children here. As a compromise I thought it was reasonable to say go on both nights out but be sensible and be home reasonable hours so still available the next day for the children. The 2nd night out was their xmas do at work in a hotel and included sleep over. I said to come home after the dinner as I will have 4 kids to look after and my children need collecting from their dad's and my youngest has football in the morning and I cannot manage it all by myself.
First night out and he came home 12.30am but was present the next day.
For the 2nd night out - 2 weeks later I asked how he is getting there and home, He said was to be collected and would get a taxi home. I thought I was been reasonable and as my son had broken his thumb couldn't play football the next morning and their dad had cancelled having them, so I wasn't running around.
The day arrived and his son went out at 9.45am with friends. In the afternoon at 14.45pm I got ready to take my eldest to their theatre xmas party. It was only then did he say I will be gone when you back as i'm been collected at 15.15pm. I said I didn't realise you be going so early. At 5pm I was worried about his son as had not heard from him, so texted to ask have you heard from him. My partner replied hasn't he text you, hes sleeping out at a friends. This was at 3.30pm, but he didnt think to text me to let me know either. My partner knows I worry and have anxiety, I did say as his father I expect him to let me know the plans and not leave it to a 13 year old.
The next morning he comes home but so hungover, he sleeps the whole day. I am left to look after 4 kids and do all the meals. I tell him I am angry due to this. He says I am making a drama over a night out, and it was a night out and hes tired of how I react to him going out. he says our argument is not just down to him. He says he has bent over-backwards and made sacrifices and hes tired of it. In anger I do say I do not want anything from him, do not do anything for me.
So for a full week we have not spoken and today when I say I cannot live like this, he says he can't either. He calls me a martyr and how hard it is to live with a martyr.
I do have some insight into my mental health and how it affects my behaviour, I know I can be hot headed, easily upset, see things very black and white. So now I am left wondering have I got this all wrong? Shouldn't I have been upset? Have I made a mountain out of a mole hill? I always end up questioning whether is it me or actually it is ok to be upset in this situation?