Bipolar spouse is isolating

[Skadi112]

Hi,

First of all, let me say how grateful I am that I found this community. It’s difficult for me to ask for help, but I desperately need guidance.

My husband was diagnosed Bipolar 2 years ago. The pandemic hasn’t been kind to either of us, and his moods have been deteriorating to the point he just switched his meds.

He’s currently agitated and isolating. Do I just let him? I was unaware he was switching and was a little upset that he didn’t say anything until after he came home and started his new meds. I would have loved to have a discussion about how we can navigate this (we’ve been married less than 2 years, and I’ve seen the depressed and manic episodes, but I still have no idea how to be supportive without violating my own boundaries and exhausting myself, and it’s my first time navigating a meds switch). Now he’s just in his office staring at the computer screen for hours.

Guys. Honestly I’m not even sure I have the capacity to be supportive right now. I’m lost. I’m angry. What do I do?

[EspressoBeans]

Perhaps you can bring up with your husband how important you think communication is. If he (and you) are already feeling crappy, the most important thing is to make sure it doesn’t come across as an attack. Just express that you care about him and let him know (with absolutely no guilt) that you would have liked to know about his meds change before he actually switched them. Basically just let him know that you’re there for him. Then take a step back and also be there for yourself. It’s not your job to constantly check in on your husband, and it’s not good for your mental health. But if you make it clear that you will be there for him and then allow a bit of distance, I think that would help to clear some of the tension.

[Skadi112 in reply to EspressoBeans]

Thank you. You’re right - every human deserves space to process. I’ve developed a lot of codependent tendencies that I need to check.

[Hidden in reply to EspressoBeans]

Have you attended your Doctors Surgery together ?

The problem may be if He has changed medication He may be insular and need His own space until He feels better than before. Try and sit down next to Him and just ask what He is doing on the computer, take that interest and try to lift His mood, You mention Covid, Have you both been infected or is it all down to being frightened or scared regards outlook.

Remeber whatever the situation is you need to be keep an eye on Him, you also need to concern yourself regards your own health. If you find He is unreasonable, remember the best way around this is be firm and kind. If you also feel concerned regards His attitude you need to be able to phone for assistance, NHS Information on Tel 111, they can suggest the best way forward. Is your husband having any treatment pathway

BOB

[Skadi112 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I’m trying to navigate the ‘be there for him but stay in my lane’, and I just find it really difficult because I don’t have any experience being any sort of caretaker with an equal. I am a mom, and I was a schoolteacher, so a lot of my caretaking has an ‘I’m the adult and you’re the child’ vibe. Not helpful.

I am not currently involved in his care. His old psychiatrist was little more than a pill pusher. I did attend a couple sessions, all of which lasted about five minutes. He’s been seeing a hypnotherapist and has reached out to his GP for a med switch, which makes me nervous. I’m not sure a GP has the experience to properly evaluate bipolar disorder.

Neither of us has contracted Covid, which is a huge blessing, but he’s been out of work and home for over a year. He gets really paranoid about leaving the house, which I understand. But I’ve been running the house and working to keep a roof over our head, and I’m starting to feel really taken advantage of. I’ve never financially supported a man before. I know his bipolar diagnosis is having a serious effect on him, and I’m grateful that he recognizes this and is more actively pursuing treatment. But meanwhile I’m feeling really overwhelmed by holding it all together. I think it might be time for me to seek out counseling as well.

[Hidden in reply to Skadi112]

You have your own life to lead on top of the tasks your husband should be doing. I have Mental Health problems with quite severe disabilities so I have to make determines effort to help with the home and garden.In my case now I have problems gardening and it really affects my Mood and expectations on life in general, however that is no consolation for my Wife and as we get older problems seem to broaden down on us both, although I do try and look after our orchard.

You husband needs to understand your needs and also your expectations. Just because He suffers BI-POLAR does not mean He is unable to help you in home with family, yes it may be He prefers to be on his own however that is no excuse He needs to converse and help you with domestic duties. Hobbies and diversions you can do together will help you both move through this difficult time. Helping at home will help confidence and also keep his mind active, possibly getting back to work in some restrictive way in the short term

BOB

[Beautifulrainbow]

Hello SkadiI have just read your post and am sorry to hear your husband is suffering from bipolar, I'm glad he's taking medication for it, but maybe he switched because he felt that the old meds wasn't working for him.

It would be better for him if he could see a mental health GP who specialises in that field, and talk over how he's been feeling, I know for you to be involved with his care he would have to give permission for you to do so, that way you would know about their decision to change his meds. Your husband could be hiding how he's actually feeling, because he doesn't want to worry you. Be kind, and be there for each other, and I hope he feels better on this new medication. Sending you big hugs. 💞