Why does everyone hate me ?

[M_young]

Wow! 2 years on and I’m still here- (Look at my past posts) Time has definitely flown, but I’m still the way I am. I just don’t get what I do wrong. Nothing ever goes to plan. I’m not 17 and I still feel so lonely and sad all the time. I’m now in the last year of sixth form/ college and I have no friends. I just don’t get why no one likes me. Especially in the family. I have so much going on in my head and there’s no one for me to speak to. The people I know (‘my “friends” ) won’t get it and I would never ever ever talk about anything personal to my family! Not after my past! Of all the sneaky and sly things my family have done to me. The only person I talk to now is God. Only he can understand but sometimes I think does God really understand if all the things I am going through. I wish I had that special someone to just speak to about my feelings and school and life or anything in general but I don’t have anyone. I can’t seem to get overly past.- Everything that happened in school, at home in sixth form. All I do now is sit up at night all alone and do nothing. I can’t always get to sleep so I just.. I really don’t know. I wish I had that freedom to make friends but I never did. My family never let me go out and they still never do. I wasn’t able to go to birthday meals or just out with my “friends” ( not friends anymore tho) I felt left out and so I stopped hanging around with them or vice versa. I feel like everything had been ruined for me. From the age of 11-17 now. It really has! It isn’t fair. I just wanted to be a normal kid who had friends that actually cared and had a friend group, was able to go out and whatever friends do- I really don’t know because I never got that freedom to. I hate myself for not speaking up or asking questions as to why I was never allowed. I would sit at night crying almost everyday back in high school in year 9, 10, 11 and still to this day I do. I think I’m even afraid of people now, new people, strangers because I don’t know many people. Afraid to meet new people and be in new places and areas. Be sure ive never actually been out of my home town and if I did it was either on holiday to another country or somegring to do with school, but other than that knowhere. I’m a 17 year old, lonely girl with no friends or life, that EVERYONE hates (even my own family members) that is looked down upon. I was bullied mostly all my life too so I don’t know what I expected after high school tbh. I was called all sorts. It tore me apart and to this day no one even knows. The “family” don’t care. I don’t know why but they don’t. I wish they did tho but they don’t. And out of all the kids in the family I’m the most mature and sensible and they know, yet I never got the freedom they got. I don’t know why. But it hurts so bad. It really does. None of them get it. They don’t understand. They’ll be nights where I just think “why am I still here, no one cares about me” “who even am I? I’m a nobody” and it’s true I am no one. No one knows me. And everyone always says “People care, they’ll always be someone for you to talk to, you need to talk to people about the way your feeling, don’t give up etc..” That’s what people say, people’s social media posts, people in general even. But that’s a LIE! I DID talk to a pastoral manager in school and my form teacher but they did no help! And people do not care! Trust me on that one they really don’t. You can’t just talk to anyone, it doesn’t work like that! And me, well I have given up. I gave up a long long time ago. How can someone like me even live. I am grateful for everything! Believe me I am. My house, clothes, food, education, etc.. but I feel like my family ruined the rest of my life for me from the age of 11 to now and they are still. I’ve ended up with nothing! A great big nothing! They should have let me live, make new friends, be able to go out, even just for a walk with them but hey never did. It always me at fault. In there eyes i’m a burden. Especially to my parents. But I will never understand why I was treated like that and still am getting treated the way I am. Never!

Sorry if this was so long to read.

[blackcat64013]

Hi,

Thank you for your post. I am sure your thoughts are shared by some of our forum members. I would like to recommend this website to you. It has a section written especially for young people under 25. While it is an Australian site, the contents are excellent. Beyond Blue is a private foundation and receives funding from the government.

Kind regards,

beyondblue.org.au/who-does-...

[M_young in reply to blackcat64013]

Websites do not help. I’m sorry but it’s just advice on- “you should talk to someone, you’re not alone, there’s people that care etc..” < If that was so true why do so many teenagers/ people commit suicide ? It’s because they feel like they have no hope anymore. That it’s just better if that they just go from this world. They don’t want to be in a place where it’s just them against the world, where they are alone and have no purpose here!

[Hidden]

Why did your family not allow you have friends or go out? You probably have some idea why? Was it well intentioned but still caused you harm? Like being over protective. Was it lazy parenting? Was it malicious do you think? Maybe mixed motives - a combination of the above?

[M_young in reply to Hidden]

I honestly do not know any actual reasons why. I’m Muslim and so I am sure it’s because of religion and “cultural reasons.” But I never understood why and I still don’t. A lot of people expect me to know why and actual proper reason but there is no good enough reason. They didn’t give me a reason. They just said “you’re not allowed” or. “Why do you want to go out with them” “you’re staying at home.” It’s not even against my religion so it’s to do with their cultural and traditional beliefs which makes no sense. And because I’m a girl. And it’s not even that they were being “overprotective” it’s the fact that they just didn’t allow me and still don’t. (Not that I ask and not that I have anyone to go out with anyways).

[Hidden in reply to M_young]

You do sound a bit confused. Because you say you are certain it is because of cultural reasons but then you say you honestly don't know why. It is likely that it is because your parents are afraid you will copy the behaviour of the people you want to go out with and it will go against their culture/religion. The fact that you can't have a discussion with your parents about this is a bigger problem. Have you tried to have a reasonable discussion? Perhaps to your surprise they might engage in a reasonable discussion about your desires to have a social life and about the issue of trust. Have there been shouting matches about it? Or is there in unacknowledged culture of silence in your home? X

[M_young in reply to Hidden]

Okay let me try and make u understand. I know that the reason for what they do is because of cultural reasons because they say it and show it in a way. But what I’m trying to say it that that should be there reasoning. Like I’m tryna think of other reasons that is the cause of what they are doing but I can’t. I wish there was another reason than the cultural reason. It’s the fact that they don’t want to ruin a reputation in a way. They don’t want people to start talking etc.. It’s not as easy as just talking to them either because I’m not close with them and “Asian” parents don’t get it. It’s the way that you are brought up aswell. If I was talking to someone with same religion background etc.. they would understand what I mean and what I am saying so I don’t expect you to know and understand what I go though.

If you read my posts from 2 years ago I think you will understand it and my situation more, maybe.

[Hidden in reply to M_young]

I read your posts from 2 years ago. I do understand. You are caught in a difficult situation and there seems no way out. Some of your identity is tied up with being Asian and Muslim and some is tied up with living in the West (I presume you live in the West). You want a 'normal' life and you are under pressure and control from your family to fulfill their expectations of you and partly for their reputation. You can't speak to them about it. Your parents are also more controlling of you rather than your siblings - probably because you have a milder nature and are easier to control. That's how it works. Other girls in your position would rebel and end up with constant fights or become estranged from their parents. But it seems to me you have turned the anger about being controlled in on yourself and that is the cause of your depression - because you have no sense of control over your own life. Some people can live like that - and just go through life repeating their parents history. But what is 'normal' anyhow? The Western culture for young people can be very destructive towards them mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually. Maybe you don't want to do all the things teenagers do - and that is what is sad - because your parents don't trust you or discuss things with you - so effectively their parenting style is to imprison you. This is wrong! And you did not cause them to behave towards you in this way. Maybe you do want to do all the things your peers do - and your peers might seem happy and you feel like you're on the outside looking in - but they may not be happy at all. Also, you don't know for certain that everybody 'hates' you. But it does seem you have difficulty relating to your peers - and your family and culture has made you a bit different from them. But there's nothing wrong with that. But you do need a plan to survive and to grow. You can still honour your parents while at the same time taking the freedom you need to make your own choices. Remember teenagers with no boundaries or restrictions are in a worse position. But you have got to break free from the prison - just mentally at first. People on here like you and talk to you. I think you are doing far better than you think because you are reflecting on your situation and not just blindly rebelling or just living your life through your parents. However, the more you let them control you, the more you will resent them, even hate them and become increasingly depressed and incapacitated. In a sense you are in a dilemma. Whom do you please? None of us can please ourselves only, or others only. X

[Sugold]

as long as your hurt self keeps blaming someone else or something for a bad thing that happened to you, you will always feel in the role of the victim. The "victim" constantly keeps seeking for "who did hurt me", "who is to blame for my misery", it's just going on in circles ... hence, can't walk out the misery it feels. if you wish to get out of this cycle, you must end this yourself. don't be the "victim" any longer, instead of blaming things or others, try to find solutions how to improve your specific situations.