I go to a school with a little more than 150 kids. Small school, right? It's a military school. Get this: (and you probably never expected this with military schools, as most of the time people think of military schools as reform schools or really preppy college prep course schools), NO ONE likes the military here! Sure, a few people do and it shows, but they don't like it the way I do. I am the drill team commander, and I like sharing my knowledge about the military and what we do in the school reflects into the real life. Hell, you can look at my profile picture. I take pride in myself militarily and I take pride in my school.
I already blew it. In middle school I was a nerd. I still loved the military. I still loved history. In middle school I wasn't bullied... I was just left out. In reality, being left out is the worst possible thing I can experience. I hate it. I hate it so much that thinking of it brings me back to the time where I would cry in frustration just because no one talked to me, and all I wanted was a friend. I got that friend, and we were great friends and we hung out every day... but that was public school. I'm in a private school now.
Nearing high school I changed my haircut. I changed my clothes. I started to work harder to be more outgoing and I attracted a few new friends and I crashed and burned quite spectaularly with the same girl that I asked out the year before. Anyways, I switched school in 10th grade. Go figure, the first military school I went to shut down last year! So, here I am in my 11th grade year, with two weeks left in the school year.... and it has been up and down ever since.
At first I had a close knit group of friends from that school that shut down that I mentioned earlier. I got them to come to the same school as me! I thought we would stick together and really turn into our own clique. That didn't happen. They all split off and found their own friends. I was alone. I still am alone.
I am a generally high position for a "first year cadet" in this school. Even though I had a higher rank in my last school, people call me things like "First Sergeant Kneepads" and the like. If you think about it, the name gets a general idea of how I am viewed here. Some of the kids that I brought with me got higher positions than me, but they never got flak for it! I just.... I just feel left out. I am in 11th grade and I don't stand up for myself because I don't want to lose my position. I don't have any friends. I have a roommate from China that I listen to, and in return, he listens to me... then he goes off and talks about me with his friends.
I can't be myself because no one likes me through and through. I can't attract new friends. So, here I am, typing this with the first tears in my eyes in 3 years....
Written by
PalmtreePalmer
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
I’m soo sorry you are goin through this!! 😌I’m goin through a hard time myself and sounds like our lives couldn’t b more different but I feel for you and your not alone it’s gr8 you posted here!! Your young that’s a big bonus tho!! Also you sound responsible and dedicated that’s great☺️ Although I don’t agree with aspects of military I do think it’s great you hav a purpose and are learning things and that’s soo important!! Not sure what else I can say but maybe ask you questions?? What are your hobbies? Likes and dreams and goals?? By the way I didn’t want you to be left with no reply but I just came across something about being a certain age on here, not sure?? But in case you’re not 18 or over maybe the administration here will refer you to a better suited site! Just in case☺️Take care!!
My current goal is to become the highest ranking officer at the school. I am going to try for it but I am going to be hated for it. I have a good enough shot to risk it, though.
I just play video games, watch YouTube, and run. That's it. I decline the opportunity to play sports with other people, like football, for example, because I think that they'll be gunning for me. It could be tag football and I'd get the ball and immediately be blindsided by a guy six inches taller than me.
You sound like you are having a really tough time at the moment. I am not familiar with the military school style set up in the US as we don't have this in the UK. Also, you say you are in the 11th Grade, what age is that? 'hurtingheart1' is correct in enquiring how old you are, because you need to be 16 years or above to join Health Unlocked, as the adult content on here maybe inappropriate for younger people. There will be more age appropriate sites you can find support.
The difficulties around relationships and friendships when growing up and even as adults is always a tricky area. Learning how to manage them, how to find a social group that you feel comfortable in takes time, patience and skill. Sometimes we try too hard when it's better to go with the flow and relax a bit. You don't have to prove anything to anyone or change anything to fit in, just be yourself.
Do you have a trusted adult or school counsellor that you could talk to about how you are feeling? You may find you are not alone in how you feel, and find other students who are struggling in similar ways.
There are only 150 kids in this school. Rumors get spread around extremely quickly, and sentiments against an individual get spread around even faster. The people that hate me now are few, but they are the people that have the biggest friend groups in the school, which means that its hip to hate me. It's the trend.
This issue mirrors adult relationships in the workplace.
For some reason you do your job and do it well like your supposed to and you get recognised.. but you end up get bullied.
Bullied for following protocol bullies for being more efficient and better at the job than the others. No one wants you in their clique because they don’t trust you.. and your basically on your own with no team supporting you ..
All what your going through is a life lesson. It doesn’t change believe me when you leave school. There are adults that are so unbelievably childish that they carry on certain prehistoric mentalities because they are the ones with the issues
When school is over you will realise that these people are not important. You will meet people who will like you for you and want to hang out for you..
if your doing well .. believe me people don’t like it when you do well .. they hang out with the underdog or the kid who gets in trouble.. to make themselves feel better.
There are kids when I was younger at school who got picked on and are not earning massive money in really good jobs !!
The ones who bullied where are they ? A lot in trouble, done drugs not gone anywhere in life..
I know it’s hard but this a lesson in how to deal with this mentality for when you get older. Be strong and not give a flying F about who doesn’t want to hang out because they are NOT worth bothering with.. that guy from China is an absolute idiot !! You confide in him and he goes off and tells people !? You need to stop talking to him .. he’s NOT a friend.
I don’t have friends really.. I’ve always enjoyed my own company. When ever I’ve been apart of a group it’s drama.. it’s made me ill.. so I’ve had to back away.. I’m quite happy with me and my bf n dog.. just living in a bubble and you will find that a lot of people are like that ..
speak to one of your tutors about how your feeling. See a councillor as I’m worried about this knocking your confidence.
Kids follow cliques and of some cliques thinks someone’s uncool they almost likely follow. Pack mentality and basically stupid.
Like when you go to work in adult life when one idiot dislikes you because you do your job they all follow.
Soo my friend you gotta keep your head strong and continue to do well .. do not change who you are to fit them !!
I don't want to be the type of pathetic person that has no fun at all and just works his life away. He works and works and works toward a higher goal and more money, and before he knows it, he's dead.
I will be going into a military university after this. There are two groups of people within this university of 1700. The people that don't go into the military and the people that do. They hate each other. Even within the people that will be ckmissioning into the military, there are people that try to get rank in the school. They are hated by everyone. I want to do both because I like achieving my greatest possible... Ability? I can't think of the word, but you know what j an saying.
Just because some people prefer the company of themselves it’s not pathetic .
Your not going to be alone you pick up friends along the way.
I’ve had friends I’ve been away with friends, I’ve got friends that want to see me but I just can’t handle drama and I prefer being left alone like many.. infact at 17 all I wanted was to be popular and I was... I could go out at 19 on my own and know everyone but let me tell you when the s**t hits the fan are they there for you ... really nope ..
the word friend is somewhat a grey area as many will tell you.
I was always out at all the places everyone hung out at.. I got to know people watching bands.. I would sit with different people and chat to them.. I was a drummer and when I was younger were in a few bands..
find new hobby’s where you get to meet people.. the people who like you for you will be there for you
Hi I think hate is far too strong a word to be used in connection with others. It takes a lot of effort and energy to 'hate' someone so why should they spend their time doing that? Dislike - yes that's different. Sometimes you can be disliked because people are envious of you and think it's fun to take the mickey. The best way to deal with this is not to react (hard I know) but the more you do the more they will seek that reaction.
Show an indifferent face and move on to nicer people. They can't all be like this so seek these out and make friends with them.
If you find it difficult to make friends listen and learn how others do and copy them. For example I used to be quite bad tempered with people coz I didn't know how to deal with them. I learnt that others don't like that and would avoid me. I developed a more humourous approach and a bit of a sharp tongue. My dart team would start taking the mickey sometimes and the last time they did over my smoking. I got fed up with it and looked at them and said calmly but firmly 'My smoking isn't a topic of discussion'. They stopped it straightaway. You need to learn to set boundaries to protect yourself. x
Edit: Of course I cuss these guys out and I make myself known, and I've even gotten into a pushing match with one... But I don't know if I should actually fight one. I did Tae Kwon Do for years and years, and I am strong. I'd probably win against some of these punks. Should I do it just to prove that I can stand up to myself? Maybe that will get them off my back?
Not a good idea to get into any sort of physical altercation with them; so no no fighting definately.
Someone mentioned in replies that you should find hobbies and interests that you have in common with other people I think that is the key and finding people you relate to, people who are like-minded. It should be that people relate to each other with whatever they have in common, just that they are human beings, people are people and there's lots of things that most people have in common but for some reason people like to get into cliques and feel that they are better than other people for whatever reason I believe that's one of our biggest downfalls as human beings. The need to feel better than others.
But part of that is age. You sound like you're extremely mature for your age and very intelligent. But still the brain continues to form well into your 20s. Now they're saying even later. So as you find yourself, find out who you are as you get older, and dig deeper into your interests you might find that as someone else said along the way you will pick up friends in doing so. But I think as Zelda said being alone and appreciating who you are alone is a wonderful thing. And I think once you have mastered that and like being alone, you may have more friends in. Maybe look deeper and figure out why you're feeling a need to be with others who you don't have that much in common with. Maybe there is something behind why you feel the need to try hard to be someone else when who you are is great! Your authentic self... be true to your authentic self and in doing so you'll attract people who you can relate to in a deeper way and friends that will be there for a long time. So seek out you right now and figure out more things that you are interested in figure out who you are and explore all your possibilities because you don't want to end up forsaking yourself for other people. Even volunteering and doing something like that help other people, that has a two-fold purpose, one that you can help people obviously and two, that you can meet people and get out of a world where gossip seems to be what certain people thrive on. Gossip and cliques. And there's so many things to volunteer in find something that interests you. I wish you the best! You're still young as many here have said you have a lot of time to figure things out.
This is a school of 150 kids. This is a military boarding school. We either have "mandatory fun" Or we have a sport that a few people actually like to play and the others are just in it for the sports credit because we don't have the manpower to support teams like that. I have found a few friends that seem to like me but they are the same people that will change how they react to be if someone else is beside them. In private they will hang out with me and stuff, but it's cool to hate me, and I don't know why. I want friends because I want to actually she'd some tears at graduation. I don't want to leave the barracks with my head hung low and s few half assed goodbyes..
Hard for me to Invision exactly that's situation so I'm sorry I'm not understanding I guess. You're kind of locked into that atmosphere I understand but don't you ever have the ability to get away from that atmosphere at any time? Sorry I don't know anyone who's ever been in that situation gone to a military school. The friends you do have who seemed to turn their backs on you to please other people, can you be honest with them and or maybe you already have and tell them how you feel and maybe try to at least discuss it and maybe that will further your closeness with them even if they at some point still do that to you they will be more mindful of it and try not to hurt your feelings if possible. It's a hard atmosphere to live in very difficult I'm sure I can't even imagine. I do not have the personality to be in the military I thought about going into the reserves when I was in my twenties and just couldn't bring myself to do it. But as other people have said this is temporary and just knowing that knowing that Beyond this, your life is going to be so much better so much more than you can imagine right now. Even if you can get books to read to keep your mind out of that reality there because that is not reality that is not the way it's going to be for you in the future. Something to distract you something to keep you from getting caught up in that world. That is such a small representation of the world that you have to try to bring your mind to a bigger level to see that it is such a small world there and I know you want friends but that place may not be where you're going to find them and if you can find just a few people.
One or two even in that small population that is a fair amount if you look at the bigger picture. And this may be a great lesson in teaching you how to comfort yourself and be a better friend to yourself. I like to listen to Buddhist teachings and nun that I listen to has a saying that I like a lot, it's... you have to like your problems like you like ice cream maybe don't like ice cream but whatever you like you have to look forward to try and figuring them out and make things work for you. Is the bottom line is taking a different perspective on things because if you come up against brick walls in your life you have to figure out how you can make things work for you. You can't always take things as a defeat and that that is the bottom line and it's going to be that way.... everyone's perspective is in their own minds none of that is real... you have to take this and make it in to something that works for you whatever that might take. You are projecting into the future that come graduation day you're not going to have the emotions that everyone else is having who have cliques that they hang out in and the closeness of all that. But really do you want closeness from making fun of other people or gossiping about other people is that what you really want? And it sounds like that's what this group is all about so you have to decide what works for you and what is important to you and maybe that emotion you're going to feel on that day you graduate is being proud of yourself and knowing that you through this by yourself with maybe one or two friends and feeling great about that and tears to be shed for having gone through all that and still being true to yourself. It's really not that much longer right? Another year little more than that. What you have to look forward to is outside of those walls. I'm sorry maybe I'm being a little harsh but I just feel like your world right now is made so small and there is so much more and I'm just hoping you can see that and make it work for you. There is something good to be found in all this another Buddhist thing is be grateful to everyone because they teach you something and you learn something and what you are criticizing others about is within yourself things that you don't like about yourself. It doesn't sound like you are like those people at all but the point is be grateful to them for teaching you something that you don't want to be like them If that is the the lesson to be learned. it's not Easy life is not easy sometimes but life can be a beautiful thing and appreciate yourself for what you're going through and support yourself. have compassion for yourself.
And another thing about liking your problems like you like ice cream is basically that the bad things can be good things what you see as bad what you perceive as bad may not be such a bad thing in the end. So it it's a complex idea and again there's so much more out there. And just cherish the relationships you do have for what they are and that they may also have similar relationships you're only seeing your own view of things but you don't know there may be other people going through the same exact thing in that place.
The other thing about that thing a small atmosphere it comes from a certain mindset people who go to military schools or want to be in the military or thrive in that atmosphere come probably from a different background than most people and so it is not only a small subsets of people it's a small subset of people with different thinking themselves. I understand you're there and you are one of those people but it sounds like you think differently for the most part so again keep in mind I know you want to have a wonderful day on your graduation day and have a takeaway of all these friends but I also think you're pressuring yourself probably because it's a year away you're thinking you only have so much time to get that accomplished but again look at your problems in a different perspective think about a different accomplishment.
And sorry for such a long post but one other Maybe talk to your friends the ones you feel you can talk to and just do a check in with them to see if what you're feeling is real and what the other side of this is generally when we see ourselves as other we're going to be othered, and it does sound like it's a very small minded environment but maybe if you try to understand them and come from that perspective they will see things differently.
Many times what we've experienced in r family life we project onto others so take that into consideration also. And trying to figure this whole thing out and how you can change your life there.
That sounds really rough! Seventeen is a hard age. It sounds like you are actually a very strong person, both mentally and physically. You are dealing with a very hard situation with maturity. I know it sounds cliche, but remember that high school (even military boarding school) is not life. But you are learning life skills, including dealing with difficult people. Take the higher road, be kind, and you will eventually attract the type of friends who will stand by you. As for the fighting, I believe one of the tenants of martial arts training is to use your training in defense of yourself, your country, or an ‘underdog’. Don’t start a fight, but if someone else starts it stand up for yourself! Hang in there and remember there are people who care even if they’re not right there with you.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
I want help but can't get it.
My Life
I need help and advice please - it can't be only me"
Bereavement now I can't be bothered
