Desperation: I try not to compare... - Mental Health Sup...

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Desperation

sarahmcf
sarahmcf

I try not to compare myself to others. And I definitely try not to base opinions of me or self worth off of social media. But man, here lately it just feels like I have zero friends, nor do people even want to interact with me. I have always gotten along with everyone and had several friends. But not a lot of REALLY REALLY close friends. Then once I got married and had kids that amount of people got slimmer and slimmer. Now I'm begging at scraps from the friends I thought I had and I find myself getting so discouraged by sheer lack of interaction with people on social media. For instance, my husband and I were having a playful disagreement so I posted a question on instagram asking if people liked, didn't like, or never seen this specific movie. So far 15 people saw my post. 3 people answered. And the people who saw it are people I consider myself to be friendly with or consider friends not like social media strangers. Like am I now that unlikeable? I just wish I had friends but being this stay at home mom with a crazy busy life as kind of diminished that. Just wish it was different.

7 Replies
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sm,

Can you tell me what’s on your mind Tiger I mean today ???

😎

sarah

One of the problems we all seem to have when we meet someone, start to live together and have children we start to loose so called friends who may be still single or married themselves and like you busy getting on with their life in general, The same happened to me I loved dancing three nights a week and I was working in Youth Clubs three times a week, In afternoons at the weekend I would go swimming and helping my Grandparent in the garden, when they went to hospital I would go and visit them, I alo was attending Night Classes at college once a week. Most of my friends by that time were courting or getting married so I was on my own. I had friends at the dances and associates at the Youth Club and that was that so I lost contact with many of my friends.

BOB

I agree it is hard to get friends these day, they seem to have their own lives, own worries, problems and keep to themselves. Facebook - people just connecting for while - passing through. 🥊🌈Few people connecting - really interested

Hey, from personal experience the more "really close friends " I had the more people I had screw me over or who weren't really my true friends. The ones that stick close and stay by your side are the true friends. They are few and sometimes don't come around often but when you do you have to cherish them. I had a few close friends in high school but due to depression I shut them out and don't speak to them anymore. Friendships can be hard but the true ones will always stick around if you mean enough to them. My grandpa use to always tell me when I was younger " make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold" those few who still talk to you are your gold 😊

I dont use social media any more, but when I did, and if I had seen a post like the one you describe from a close friend, I probably would not have responded. Not because I dont want to interact with the person, but because most of the time I would be scrolling by, only commenting on things that really catch my attention.

My point is - dont take much stock in what happens on social media. It's likely that they've just had a brief glance and moved on. This is not an accurate measure of likeability.

I only used social media shortly and I didn’t even make it through to my friends posts once I added the people that knew people. It’s kind of an over obnoxious show for some part and different people are there attracted to different things for the tiny fragment of time that post scrolls by them. You are worth as much as your kids see you for and their likes and hearts. I know those years are hard as a stay at home and I hope you can find another mama that stays home to enjoy stay home vacays or movie time for the kids and you time w someone to visit that builds you up either a friend w stay at home kids or a family member that’s close. Heart to you because I remember too the timeframe went from all peers together to home w the kids and not much social.

Hello Sarah,

I understand how you must feel, I was in a similar situation before I got married. Most of my friends became ships that past in the night where other were engaged, married or started a family and those needs outweighed that of friends who were playing the field, looking for someone to settle down with.

In my case I was studying, dancing and meeting associates, the problem is friendships,, good friendships were extremely rare and in some many occasions they had even moved to a different part of the country, married, had kid and Lost touch with them. So it is not uncommon, When I met my future wife Her Sister and boyfriend we would all go out together, now after forty years they moved three hundred miles away and we only see them a couple of times a year. The last twelve months because of Covid it has just made matters worse, so you are not alone. Good Friendships are very rare and are gold plated.

If you need to chat this site is here if required ??

BOB

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