Isolated

[TopGunGiraffe]

I recently moved to the east coast from the west. I really feel the "culture shock." I left behind friends and family that took 22 years to build. And at that, didn't leave them on the best note. I didn't feel heard or understood by the closest people to me. I felt like I was being slightly controlled. Like people thought they had a better idea of what I should do for myself than me. And these things were all coming from people who either do not believe in mental illness or do not experience them at all- or in the capacity that I do. At times I feel engulfed by the things I have been diagnosed with. No one would listen to my needs or the steps I wanted to take to better my mental health. Every day I am feeling myself feel more and more alone. Currently, I am unable to pay for therapy as I was able to in the past. Yoga was a big part of my life and helped me with my awareness and living in the moment, calming my mind from the repetitive dark thoughts that cycle. I can't afford that right now either so I resort to Youtube, but it just isn't the same. I am gaining weight and spending more and more time huddled in a ball under my covers. I am the least physically active I have ever been. My sex drive is simply not there. I am feeling my insecurities spew out my pores, even though I do my best to hide them. I used to love taking pictures and getting ready for my day, taking joy in doing hair and makeup for fun. I don't do that anymore. I'm not happy with what I reflect in the pictures. I find myself constantly comparing myself to others and wishing things were different about myself. All things I have always been completely against. I was so comfortable with myself and confident in my own skin. It's gone...

Uplifting others is just about the only thing that makes me happy. I'm feeling lost and like I don't have a reason to be here. I find myself constantly asking why. I know I need to get out of bed and I know I need to force myself to be active but it is so much easier said than done. There are so many things I wish to accomplish but I constantly find myself in doubt. I don't think I am enough to do the things I want to do. I want to learn self-love and implicate it into my life at full capacity. I know these are all things I am actively working on doing, but it seems like the finish line is getting further and further away. I feel like not having a support system/friends/family is really bringing me down faster than I can climb. I'm trying to be strong. Sometimes I just don't know what I'm doing anymore and I start to lose hope. It's still there. Just.. not how it used to be.

[Hidden]

Best to push yourself and get help from new friends and family - wishing you the best!

[Ddee2610]

I understand how you feel, I have been the same for 12 years since having two kids. No longer myself, gained Weight, ex partner lying and cheating etc... why did you move so far away do you have a new job? and do you have any new friends on the east coast? Can you possibly google a nearby yoga class you could go to as the first step to a new social life? And also contact your Doctor for an appointment to tel them how u feel and to ask for some antidepressants.. they do work for me and there’s no shame in it. Thinking of you and hope this is helpful xxx

[Likeabadstorm]

TooGunGiraffe, I completely understand where you are coming from. You are enough you have to keep reminding yourself that and hold on to that glimmer of hope. As long as we have that little glimmer, even though it may be very dim at times, we know we still have it and have to dig deep and grab a hold of it and not let go, not lose our grip and fight for ourselves. Battle of the mind. Our wort enemy sometimes is ourselves. We let our minds get the best of us an then spiral. I too am surrounded by someone who doesn't believe in mental health issues, doesn't believe in anxiety or panic or any of the mental health diagnosis, I hope this person never experiences this for themselves because they will be in for a rude awakening. Thank goodness for the support on here on this site. I am new to it and there is so much to learn from each other. We are all in this togather. And we all can relate and understand one another when others simply cannot understand. It's good to have a community of people here who do understand and can help us see it through on our dark days and even on our good ones. Big hugs. It's no fun feeling so alone. Xoxo

[TopGunGiraffe in reply to Likeabadstorm]

I appreciate you more than you know.

This message meant a lot to me. I agree, I wouldn't wish this upon anyone who wouldn't understand, as it would be the hardest thing to face. I hope to bring light and education to those who don't fully comprehend, but it is also hard to teach an old dog new tricks. But it is our own responsibility to heal ourselves.

Thank you again.

xoxo

[Likeabadstorm in reply to TopGunGiraffe]

Likewise TooGunGiraffe

This is by far the worse thing I've experienced in my life this past year and currently. It is showing me the strength inside to keep keeping on and try to find answers or do self help, selve. It is a test of my faith, my hopes, and my fears, its testing me to the fullest. I have the lowest of low days and then ever once in a while I see that dim light shining and I try to make it brighter even if it is just for a moment. I've had a few more test and still nothing and waiting for approval from insurance to approve the test they already denied. The doc needs to do a peer to peer review.so waiting. And still need the eeg. So glad you are here! I am grateful to have crossed your path in this journey. Xoxo