How to deal with father having anothe... - Mental Health Sup...

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How to deal with father having another family?

Lady_lazarus
Lady_lazarus

Hi guys! My parents have been married for 27 years. A month ago, i found out that my father has been cheating on my mother for 15 years with the same woman. They are not married but they have a family together. Its such a shock. I doubted him a couple of times but i never knew the extent of it. My mom is totally clueless about this. I dint tell my mom about this because i dont Wanna break her heart. I m 26. I have idolised my father my whole life cuz he has been an amazing father to me. I have been daddy's gal my whole life. Now i feel like i dont even know who he is. He has been leading a double life. I feel sad, shocked, hurt, angry, rejected. I dint confront my father because its useless, he wont admit and i will have to show evidence and i'll never look at him the same way again. I cant tell anyone in my family about this cuz i m extremely scared of wat it might do to my mom. My mom tried to take her life when i was 2 years old cuz she has major depressive disorder. So i m scared of telling her. I dont wanna lose my mom. I have anxiety and bipolar disorder and all this is tearing me down emotionally n mentally. I have been getting anxiety attacks, nightmares, i barely eat, barely sleep n been so depressed. I dont know what to do and how to deal with this. Can anyone suggest how to deal with this?

9 Replies
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hi really sorry to hear this really is terrible to find this out.i know you say your mum cant find out but she has to its just something that cant be kept a secret if true.its hurting you trying to keep it all in but somehow you need to find a way of telling your mum and then supporting her all you can.

But if i tell her and she tries to take her life, i will never be able to forgive myself

never easy to get around situations like this hurt will always be.whos to say this other woman and family know about your mum and you he could be playing both.could you contact the other woman or kids and maybe meet up with them.

I did. She knows.

Talk to your Dad and explain what and how you know of His double life. However when you discuss how ill your Mother was in the past, could it be, She actually knows of the double life and that had caused her attempted Suicide.

You will be shocked and also feel deceived and upset what has been going on for most of your Mothers married life and of course you yourself need to approach this shock in a delicate way, it may be an idea, try talking to your Mam regards reasons why She suffered this early mental illness. It may be she knows more than you imagine and that may help you to approach this unpleasant deception that has lasted so long.

However remember you have moved on through life now, as an adult, your Father will need to be questioned on this ongoing problem. So that may help you decide the best way forward, I feel that He has obligations to you and Mother, they need to be addressed in a sensitive way, although it seems obvious your Father has not taken family concerns into consideration.

Talk to your Dad initially

BOB

Very good advice Bob x

Thank you

Please messege me if you need too. I have walked in these shoes. You are going to need some support. My father cheated on my mom after 19 years of marriage. I was 11. You are an adult which will help you process this better but it does not make it any easier. 💔 my heart breaks for you.

Hi, I'm really sorry for what you are going through. If I were you I would talk to your dad. Give him a chance to explain. You said he was always a great father, you have a connection. I'm not trying to say what he did is ok but maybe this situation is not easy for him. Talk to him like adult to adult, friend to friend. Take care

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