Monster heart and ribs.

[I_Hate_Me_2]

trigger warning My heart is another known monster to me and my ribs protect it. If my ribs broke my heart would not have cages protecting it’s wildness.

[Hidden]

Breaking things is not good image - you need new things or rejuvenating things - fresh things and images that make you feel good or relaxed, calm. Breathing properly for calmness and mediating, possibly

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to Hidden]

I don’t want my heart protected by cages. It’s wild and nasty. Just like me. I’m unworthy of goodness

[Hidden in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

Have you hurt someone, they are probably stronger than that and feel good that you have healthy body and mind - my son is autistic and it makes life difficult for him but he still tries!

[Hidden]

Worship God and be grateful for the things you have - Joy and humble

[I_Hate_Me_2]

Physically no. But always push people away. I used to work with autistic children and other learning/physical disabilities. I always try and where I set the bar high I fail and fall lower into a pit of darkness.

[I_Hate_Me_2]

I’m not ungrateful. Even if I did worship a God (which I don’t) he wouldn’t want someone like me.

[Hidden]

You sound like good person, practical - the only thing putting yourself down and having evil thoughts towards yourself - you need to grow- use- to your good points - think of the next best thing you could say to someone and to yourself - really believe in hope and future will bring to - time and patience is what you need to feel the next best thing in your life - which will happen - intelligence always wins!

[Hidden]

Do you have a digital radio because you can listen to positive words in Gospel or Christian premier

[newbie56]

Who told you you're "bad"? Is that something new to you?

Please remember, FEELINGS are NOT FACTS.

Nor is something you've heard, no matter how many times you've heard it.

"Unworthy" ? It's just an opinion.

The greatest man to walk the earth, died for you. Yes, some will say that's nonsense. Many have allowed the Enemy to win. Don't, please...

You have talent for writing, expressing yourself. Tell us more.

Agape.

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to newbie56]

Thank you so much for your reply. I’ve always been bad. My grandparents told me that when I was young. Always told to get out of their sight to cry. I learnt to cry inside as well as outside. My screams became silent. My voice...non-existent.

My poetry I write is what I can’t say. Paper didn’t tell me I was not worth it. Made to believe I was by those who never cared. Hatred runs through my body. Nothing within me is good.

[newbie56]

85

It's no wonder you feel the way you do. The trauma done to your mind and heart is inexcusable. I believe in order to heal, we must forgive those guilty ones. Of course you won't forget that ill treatment But hatred doesn't help you.

Please my son, do not allow hate to rule. Love never fails. Think about that.

We await your good report.

[I_Hate_Me_2]

I was their only granddaughter they saw and got treated bad. By them and other family. I can never bring it up to them to begin healing. It is not something I will ever be allowed to talk about.

They didn’t love me. Nobody did newbie56

[Dolphin14 in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

85

I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. I was belittled. I wasn't allowed to show emotion. I was treated different than my siblings. We all suffered from emotional neglect but I was targeted in a different way through my life. I am just learning through a lot of therapy that I am worthy. That I am important. That I have the right to my feelings and emotions. I've had to step away from toxic people, including family.

At this point I will never forgive. No one should harm a child.

Some may disagree. I know I've hear let it go for my sake. But I have a lot of healing to do before I will ever think of forgiving my mother for destroying my self esteem and self worth.

You are brave and strong. I see you have posted a few times today and I have to sit and read these.

This is a great step reaching out and putting your thoughts and feelings wide open for others to help you.

So many smart people here.

Remember you are worth it. You are special. You are smart and brave

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to Dolphin14]

I’m sorry to read you were badly treated as a child as well. No one wanted me. I was and still am a mess. I am due to do 18 months of intensive therapy. Just thinking about that sets off my heart into a all new frenzy. I’m never to talk about it at home or to family. I always yearned for a hug and to be loved. I’m shaking still when I am posting.

[Dolphin14 in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

I'm so sorry because I know the depth of these wounds.

No I could never talk about it either. I stayed as low to the ground as I could to not be noticed.

You are getting a lot of help out here and I'm sure it's overwhelming. Try and take in some of the positives that you are being told.

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to Dolphin14]

Is it me or am I mad though? Allies who don’t know me and who do just want a war. Maybe unbeknown to them I am my worst enemy and fight a war many times a day.

I’m overwhelmed at the support. Thank you so much. It really does mean a lot to me.

[Dolphin14 in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

You are worth it. Keep posting and let people help you.

Read all the info you have been offered. Get your professional help. It comes together in its own time.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Dolphin14]

It was supposed to say

Getting a lot of help out here

I'm going to go in and edit that lol

[I_Hate_Me_2]

I make so many typos. I will do Dolphin14. Emotionally blown away by the genuine comments and people on here.