PTSD - Copycat mentality?

[PeaPuddling]

Hi all,

I'm new here after stumbling across the site whilst looking into sertraline side effects (another post for another day)

Basically in short, I was emotionally and physically abused by my mum throughout my childhood and have had some rough years including being a runaway and homelessness.

I met a wonderful guy and we're still strong together after 6 years, engaged to be married and I have fit into his 'normal' family with ease. I also got into a business and administration apprenticeship and life felt light years away from growing up with my narcissistic and abusive mum.

Upon completion of my apprenticeship and being offered a full time, permanent position, I felt like things were really falling into place. This was until the department i had a new role in, had a managerial change. My first impression of the manager was not great, I put this down to my dislike of change and the unknown. As time went on I realised I didn't like this manager because they were almost a mirror of my mum, they also increased my already pressing workload three-fold. This was a huge trigger and I ended up signed off work for 6 weeks, this is when i started taking Sertraline and the time off work was to help me adjust to taking medication. I decided that I couldn't stay in that environment and applied for other jobs - I spent 3 months in one job that really was not for me, leading to my current job which is a temporary contract, covering maternity leave. I don't particularly enjoy it here either but as it's temporary, I plan to see out the contract.

I was talking with my partner the other evening about potential careers I could look into that is away from the (in my opinion) monotonous desk job life and we starting looking into completing another apprenticeship, this time for the same company that my partner works for but in a different area so we could still have separate work/home lives.

I guess the point of my post is, (now that I've crammed a life summary into a few paragraphs to bring you up to speed lol) by me pursuing a career almost identical to my partners, am I just clinging on to his happiness at work and hoping I get that too or am I thinking in to it too much and should just go for what I feel is right?

I hate the anxiety creeping in and making me second guess myself on almost everything!

[Hidden]

It is not worth considering what if, you are best to consider the positives of the new position and move on. If you look into the past, especially with your condition you will dwell on what was, not what is, look at what is instead. If you start questioning your future now that will possibly cause you to fail.

Move on and take your new pathway to positive anticipations.. Comparisons of the past will make you question yourself and future.

BOB

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello and welcome to this very caring and supportive group of members. I felt you were very succinct and able to express yourself very well. I must say very well done, you have come along way from your early days and are able to put it all behind you. Trust your instincts now, I don't get the feeling that you are clinging on to your partner and his happiness, but just looking for your own place in life's work situation. Knowing that he has a successful career is helpful but you won't be in the same department so you will be able to carve out your career. Best of luck in whatever you do.

What do our other members feel about this situation. Can you give PeaPudding any further encouragement and enlightenment please?

[Dolphin14]

Absolutely go with what you feel is right.

[Hidden in reply to Dolphin14]

This a thousand percent. Sounds like anxious thinking trying to cause doubts. If things feel right, they probably are right.

[PeaPuddling]

Thank you everyone for your kind responses. It can always be a little nerve wracking opening up on a forum so I'm pleased i've obviously stumbled upon a very friendly and safe space!

It's looking like the majority here is to just go with what makes me happy, sound advice - thank you!