Letting Go

[MsTree]

Divorce wasn't supposed to be a part of my life but here I am going through the grieving process of the death of my marriage. 41 years and he's only been gone for 24 hours. It feels like an eternity to me. I didn't want to divorce him. I tried to let go of the betrayals. But I found myself becoming a shrew. I wanted to at least be missed if not loved. So, I will refrain from the snide remarks and anger that I feel towards his betrayal. He's just a man and made mistakes that can't be taken back. I can forgive him, I still love him, but I can't stay in a marriage without trust and his love. God be with me on my journey. Help me see the light at the end of the way.

[Eian59]

Hi MsTree

God will be with you, He is always there. And you will get to that light at the end of your journey.Just like you said before you will be stronger and not have to second guess if you're being lied to. Trust is everything in a marriage once one person breaks that you never get it back.

I hope you find strength and peace soon and are able to get over the pain.

Regards Eian

[Hidden]

I had no chance of making my marriage work - he just did not want to = so without the two of us I couldn't reconcile but having said that I was glad it ended quickly and didn't drag out

[MsTree in reply to Hidden]

I know there is no such thing as simple cheating, but this mess gets more complicated by the day. I keep finding out things. Like... why is he taking so much money out of the bank when I've been scrimping and saving on everything I buy. It's easy not to notice those cash withdrawals and how much they add up to. It's bigger cheating than I thought. He also fell in love with her. And I'm not a fat, ugly cow and I've been good to him. He just wanted somebody new and younger. He's never been the type of person you'd think would do this. We've always been close. Until I noticed too much and asked too many questions and suddenly I'm a micro inspecting b---tch.

[LovelySnow in reply to MsTree]

I'm so sorry for this. I know how much cheating can hurt people. I think that - it's not your fault. No matter what you did or didn't do, at the end of the day, the cheating is about him, not you. I know that's probably really hard to remember right now. And I know I'm not married, but people close to me have been hurt and I know. It is - really, really hard.

[Roastdinner]

He's not worth wasting any more of your energy or hope for change with him. I have been there with someone I still loved. But after Therapy realised he was not the man I married. He is a different man now. Who deserves nothing from me now. I can say 11 yrs down the line I cannot stand him now and if I see him out and about I am embarrassed that I ever spent so much time with him as he is now very arrogant, selfish and not the lovely man I feel in love with and had children with. It wouldn't bother me at all now if he died.

Acceptance that your husband (X to be) has changed and I found the best way to deal with the loss is Therapy and try not to have any interaction with him at all.