TW: self harm, loneliness.

[alyssa410]

Today I talked to someone, a stranger and it was liberating yet it made me feel a sense of revelation. My depression comes and goes but when I spoke to this stranger, knowing we had no previous acquaintanceship and it was likely we’d never speak again; I felt inclined and welcome to open up. It made me feel invigorated yet small because I realized I don’t have anyone to talk to. It reminded me of my own loneliness even though I have friends and people who care. I feel alone, misunderstood and insecure. This experience triggered me and I feel like self harming to take away some of the darkness and pain that comes along with this layer being peeled off my everyday life. It made me think of my place in the world and if I’d ever meet anyone who actually understood me. I feel like I suck at verbal communication and I’m not very articulate although I am smart. I can never express thoughts the way I want because of anxiety and the fact that I’m just not well spoken. I hate it. I feel like people never will get to experience the real me because I can’t express myself the way I want. I am so alone and so misjudged. I hate feeling like I don’t fit in anywhere and like I’m just a puppet in my friends’ & acquaintances’ lives. When will I get to be me? Does anyone else feel this way?

[mrmonk]

Hello alyssa410,

I'm neither smart, nor articulate, but I long for human connection, too. To scratch this particular itch, I turn to reading and writing poetry. I try to catch the timbre of my feeling in poems, but, I don't write well, so no one who reads them really seems to hear or care. This is a source of great sadness for me, as I feel invisible.

You strike me as a very thoughtful and, indeed, articulate person. I am married to someone who self-injures, and have sat random hours with my chin at my knees on the other side of a bathroom door, repeating "I'm here," so she'd be sure I really was there. Sometimes she'd come out, sometimes she wouldn't without scars. I just think it's important to be present for someone in pain.

So, I just wanted to -- even just for a moment, even on the other side of some screen -- let you know that I was present. That I was here.

Take care, be well.

[Hidden]

Alyssa

How old are you ?.

Articulation does get better as we get older, when young we can be restricted in our outlook and can have problems explaining what we want or achieve.

In my teens I went to Night Class to learn how to write letters and explain what I wanted etc. It was a GCE class, although I was not there for the examination, just to get rid of some rough edges at work and college. When I was at school my educations were lacking so I needed a little more encouragement so I could move on. It was strange the Teacher took me for English at school and He took pains to give me encouragement to move on.

When I took my Youth and Community Examinations I learned how to take Lectures and give instructions that helped me and gave encouragement.

Remember yes we learn at school, however we learn more when we leave and follow our chosen pathway through life

BOB