Good Morning, Racing Thoughts :\

[Jane_Doe2018]

Hey everyone, I hope you are all having a great day! I want to start first by saying Thank You to those who have served, are serving, and will serve in the future. I appreciate the sacrifices you and your families have made over the years. I come from a long line of those who have served- Air Force and Marines, and our military, service members, and their families are very dear to me. My sister is currently serving in the Army, and our conversations are like treasure to me since we cannot conveniently talk like we once could. Again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for your service!

I woke up this morning with racing thoughts and started to feel overwhelmed. I have since calmed down, but would like to share some of my thoughts to see if anyone can relate or has anything they would like to share with me. As you all know, I have bipolar disorder. I started thinking about my last manic episode (2 months ago) and felt extremely embarassed by my actions and it was all I could think about for about 45-60 minutes. In my manic episode, I was experiencing psychosis, specifically delusions. It was something I never experienced before. I had a complete breakdown and literally thought I was in contact with the President. I am so embarassed admitting that, but it is what happened and I need to accept it. I feel horrified when I think back to that episode, but I eventually self-talk my way through it. I was reading that it is normal to have feelings of shame, guilt, etc., after a manic episode. Has anyone gone through this before?

Also, last night I realized hurricanes are a trigger for my anxiety. I live on the coast of North Carolina, and we were recently devastated by Florence and Matthew. So, I was watching the weather to see what was in store for the week when it cut over to what's happening in the tropics. *I want to say there is not a hurricane, it is just my anxiety.* There was a little disturbance encroaching the Lesser Antilles/Bahamas area, currently with a 0% chance of developing into a hurricane. I had a full blown panic attack. I started going over every possible scenario of how it could turn into a major storm and head this way, and was out of control for a couple of hours. I am doing much better with this, but learned that it is a trigger. We, and those affected by the storms, cannot take much more. Where I live, houses are still flattened and the scars of the storms are everywhere- making everything feel more depressing. My husband, dog, and myself evacuated for Florence, and will evacuate again if necessary (although I don't think it will be necessary this season, just my anxiety talking again).

Thank you for being an awesome community that I can share with. I hope you all have a wonderful day

[Florida1959]

Have a lovely day xxxxx

[Florida1959]

My brother lives in Florida been bad there lately, would still rather live there than here, x

[Jane_Doe2018 in reply to Florida1959]

Oh most definitely, they took a direct hit from Matthew, I hope your brother is okay! We have family in Florida and visit frequently. We actually evacuated from NC to family in FL during Florence and stayed for about 20 days. We stayed so long because we could not get back to our county of residence- it was still listed as a mandatory evacuation and most of the roads were impassable. Florida was beautiful and treated us nicely while we were there. Thank you and I hope you have a lovely day as well

[Florida1959 in reply to Jane_Doe2018]

Yes I love it there xxx

[JEG325]

Mornin' JD2018, I can't relate exactly but, I have had several meltdowns, mostly in private, including a couple minor ones yesterday. I always feel disgust and shame afterward because it's not a manly thing to do....My problems make me extremely emotional and I cry at the drop of a hat. But, I can tell you a couple things. #1- It's not our fault. Feeling guilty and ashamed is a reaction to how we perceive others would judge our actions. Not to the actions themselves. #2- Just let someone tell me or you we just need to 'toughen up' and get on with it and that things will only get better if we let them! I'll smack them silly! Lastly: Emotions are like a dam. They build up and build up and build up until we burst! This produces our bad reactions. The trick is to try and find something positive to channel your emotions into. Hobbies, loved ones, nature, entertainment, whatever makes you happy. I know this, JD....I've always got your back. Just let me know when you're upset. We'll share a quality talk, I promise!!!

[Jane_Doe2018 in reply to JEG325]

Thank you so, so much- that is exactly what I needed to hear <3

[JEG325 in reply to Jane_Doe2018]

You are more than welcome, my new friend. 10 kazillion of my best comforting hugs just for you!!!