Good Morning Everyone

[Golfer15]

Just wanted to check in with everyone and see how we all are. I cant believe its the end of another week. Since stopping work I have felt a bit confused where life is going. After all I didn't choose to give up when I did. However, I am enjoying the sun and having a break from work. I definitely don't feel as stressed but still have days or part days when I'm really low, like now. I am trying to keep busy and active. I go to the gym, cycling and walking. I have got involved in helping a friend who works at a community center to provide various groups, run by other agencies. I have just been putting flat pack desks together this week, but it gives me purpose and I'm meeting other people.

I had a card and some money from the staff at the school I used to work at, which was nice. It seems like I have left completely so I wont worry about going in to do any voluntary work there. My email account for school has even been suspended. I didn't like the way I left the school anyway.

I can see the way forward a bit clearer now, especially after writing this. However, I still feel as though I have lost purpose and self worth. Earning money has some purpose even if not a large amount. I am receiving a small amount of E.S.A and applying for PIP but its not the same as being paid for working.

I'm sure I will get used to this way of life. I'm trying to rest during the day too. Had coffee in the garden on my own three days this week!

Hope everyone is alright. Sorry this may seem uninteresting to some but I just wanted to say that living with depression is manageable even if it is hard work.

Thanks for everyone's support.

David

[Hidden]

Hi David

Glad to hear from you and to hear you are enjoying the sun, but sorry you are feeling low now. It sounds as though you are keeping very busy! Probably you are feeling lower because you are coming to terms with not going back to the school even on a voluntary basis, that must feel difficult even though you didn't like the way you left.

I agree, a sense of purpose is difficult to find without work - I'm struggling with that too. I wonder whether you might set yourself some goals - for you - so that you achieve things in life? Maybe something you have always wanted to learn or joining a cycling club or something similar? I have made my goal to lose weight and get fitter, so am (most of the time) eating more carefully and feeling better for it, taking various vitamin supplements that seem to be good for me, joining the gym like you - where I will be setting myself targets - and most importantly joining the local Ramblers club which is quite a big move forwards for me as I always fear being in pain from joint problems, feeling uncared for and therefore experiencing some of my childhood feelings again. I seem to need to know I can manage something before I even try it because the pain of failure or weakness is too great - now I'm letting myself try things anyway.

I agree - living with depression is b... hard work! But we survive and hopefully can enjoy some bits of our lives.

You say you have had coffee alone three days this week - is there any way you can begin to get to know people who share your interests and with whom you can meet up? Or maybe develop some other interests that will provide the social connections?

Take care and hear from you again,

Sue x

[Golfer15 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Sue, you always have good advice. I have set myself a goal to learn to play the guitar, but I think I need to be more realistic and like you say make small goals like just learning one song on the guitar.

Glad to hear you are trying to get fitter. That is hard but worth it. I have been a member of the gym for about three years and regularly set new goals. I have just started taking a protein supplement after taking advice from the gym. It helps give me energy after working out because Im usually so exhausted for hours afterwards, as well as normally feeling washed out. Good luck with the fitness.

x

[wallflower_fairy]

Hi David

I don't think we've met before, even though I'm sure I've seen you around. There was nothing uninteresting about what you said at all in fact it was very interesting to hear how you're getting on and it sounds, in spite of the low days, that you're doing really well and adjusting to a new routine. You are also a great example of how people can live well with depression. Definitely be proud. I think Sue's suggestion is a good idea, it might be good if you could meet some of the people you've been getting to know for coffee, you could even make a little group. You will find your way again.

Good luck,

wanderingwallflower xx

[Golfer15 in reply to wallflower_fairy]

Thanks Fay, good to meet you.

X

[Photogeek in reply to Golfer15]

Hi David great to hear from you. I think you are doing well, as

It's hard to have to leave a job, when you feel it's not your choice.

You do seem to be coping and keeping busy, learning any skill, is great and I always have stuff on the go. I don't mind being retired as

I still feel my self esteem is ok. I have a few things in the pipeline too. Do t forget that you were finding that school job stressful, so maybe it is better fir you to be free now. There is never

An ideal situation I know, and having less money is hard, try and build yourself up , and when you get a job again you will feel

Ready.

Keep doing what your doing and your post was interesting , as

It's real life. Real life is always interesting but not always

Easy .

Enjoy the good weather

Hannah

[Binky1]

Hi David

Great to hear from you

Lots of different emotions going on with you & lots of adjusting but sounds like you're managing alright & filling your time

Remind yourself that the

voluntary work you are doing

at the community centre is so worthwhile & beneficial to those you are helping, I also do a little bit of voluntary work & it all helps when we help each other

I have also done the solo coffee, I am adjusting to sharing a communal council garden after owning my own home for over 2o years, having my own garden where I raised my 3 children (not actually in the garden lol) but what I mean is it can be lovely and therapeutic to have your own space to relax & escape the mayhem of life

But also you have the choice to perhaps invite a mate for a cuppa or a cold drink & have some company

Sounds like you're doing alright and keeping busy so enjoy it for now while you can while he sun shines

Best wishes

Lesley x

[Golfer15]

Thanks Blinky, I am enjoying the time at home on my own. Just been to buy some vegetable plants to go in the garden. Nothing like home grown beans! x

[Binky1 in reply to Golfer15]

Oh home grown veggies sound yummy & healthy too which is a bonus

Happy planting

[jules2105]

Hi David

Sounds like you've had a busy week, it's always good to get out in the sunshine too

Jules x

[Suzie40]

Coffee in the garden on your own? How very dare you! I'm jealous! I'm sure suddenly being off must be really confusing, but it sounds like you're doing your best to adjust and use the time sensibly. It's easy to fall down the slippery slope of more time in the house than out if it. What's the weather like with you? It's boiling here in South Wales!

[Golfer15 in reply to Suzie40]

Yes coffee in the garden alone is good Lucy. But I have to take it easy. Doctors orders. Its a hard life.

Weather here has been good. Lets hope next week is good too.

Have a good week. X

[21esme]

Hi David,

Not been on the site for a few days. Pleased that you are finding ways to fill your days and seem to have set yourself some goals. I always talk about learning a language so understand what you say about learning to play the guitar. Learning to play a musical instrument is a very good idea and I think a good way to channel creativity and allow the brain to focus - a bit like mindfulness.

I can understand what you mean about self worth and not working. But your worth is measured in much more than that.

Good luck with the vegetables I have quite a few plants in the ground now being eaten by slugs! Being in Isle of Wight shouldn't you be growing tomatoes (okay strictly fruit) and garlic? Lots of tomatoes come from the iow and you have a garlic farm and festival there!

Good luck with next week,

Sarah x

[Golfer15 in reply to 21esme]

Hi Sarah

Thanks for your reply. Im feeling a bit low this morning. Although yesterday was fathers day, I was quite busy, so Im taking it easy today, after Ive been to the gym in a little while.

I like the comment that 'my worth is measured in more than money'. I must write that down and put it on the wall. I mean that seriously as it is quite an important thing for me.

I will be planting tomatoe plants soon. My father in law grows them from seed in his green house then when they are big enough I plant them in the garden so we have lovely tomatoes all summer long!

Have you been to the Isle Of Wight. You seem to know quite a bit.

Have a good day.

David x

[21esme in reply to Golfer15]

Hi David,

Hope you had a good day. I went

to the Isle of Wight a couple of years ago. We stayed in an old Victorian hotel overlooking the cliffs at Ventnor. Visited the botanic gardens, went out on a boat around the needles and into the battery. Also visited Osborne house. I like gardening, wildlife, history and architecture! Also had lovely weather which helped.

Sarah x

[Golfer15]

Thanks for everyones encouragement. Hope you all have a good week. X

[JoanellaJ]

I too suffered wth depression it sux read dr Michelle bengston book on hope prevails it will help u it helped me alot thier is HOPE take care