Having stuff used against you ...

[LBLBLBLB]

Has anyone else ever been in a position where a friend / family member / anyone at all has offered you help but only to use it against you later in time and make you look like a bad person? My question is how do you deal with it and how do you expose them for the fowl price of dung they are ?

[Hidden]

Sounds like you maybe talking about being gaslighted. ?

Maybe I’m wrong apologies if so.

Sometimes difficult when we don’t know the full circumstances ..

Here’s a link about it. Does it sound like ?

m.wikihow.com/Recover-from-...

Good wishes x

[LBLBLBLB in reply to Hidden]

Thank you x

[Hidden]

Yes I know what you mean. Also it has happened through out my life and it is very nasty especially when it affects our reputations. Sorry I do not know how to prevent it. this part of life can follow us around like a bad smell. It would be nice if those around us could broadcast all the good things we have done over the years. What I cannot square is someone who makes something up about us and other people we know or related to start to spread around and expand lies about us.

Personally now I try and keep myself to myself and dam the rest. I am not that wealthy to take these people on. All I can suggest if this happens again you have been forewarned. You can protect yourself against a thief, a liar is another matter.

Move on, you can do without these people in your Life

BOB

[LBLBLBLB in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Bob , just nasty people who pretend to help you out but then change out of no where and make you feel like you owe them the world it's disgusting

[Hidden in reply to LBLBLBLB]

I have become a cynic of my time on this planet, I cannot really take many people serious now, it is just lack of trust and I feel the need now to keep my own council .

People can be very cruel and inconsiderate, many people seem to belong to the chattering masses that can spit venom just to make themselves popular.

We are lucky here members give encouragement and support.

Over the years since my early years has been a very trying time that eventually led to being medically retired.

BOB

[LadyPenelope]

Mmmm..... sounds like we may be related; we may have the same friend (1) and family. You’re lucky you actually got the help and then had it twisted into a psychopathic story from Hollywood with you as the crazy psychopath. Welcome to the real world of friends and family

After at least 30 surgeries and surgical procedures and 4 cardiac arrests and a partridge in a pear tree 🌳, my family still think I’m an attention seeking hypochondriac. My parents walked out of my house because I had a seizure. They later said I was bringing shame and causing them to be embarrassed. My rap sheet was long and full of unimaginable things. My best friend who offered to help me to the hospital etc later said I was a burden and she couldn’t do this anymore. I’m saying all these things to let you see that it’s normal and common in our world of “needing help from others”.

– The first thing you need is to know that you’re in good company. It happens to most of us.

– Don’t waste your time or energy trying to expose dung. If it smells bad enough; people will follow the smell to the source 😂😂😷

– You need to develop a thick outer covering like a crocodile 🐊

– Practice “water off a 🦆 back”. Do not let stuff they say to go beyond your skin. Shake it off like a duck.

– Guard your heart so that their nonsense doesn’t hurt you. [{(❤️)}]

– Finally come and tell us all about it and I will personally find choice words to describe all of them, and we will laugh at their stupidity and childish 👶🏼 🍼 immaturity.

— Some situations in life do not have a solution; probably because it should never happen. Friends and family are supposed to be there for us in our time of difficulty

Not to use it against us, rub our noses in it or twist it into a horror movie to haunt and terrify is.

– If you can afford to, get rid of the worst offenders. Then we learn to deal with the rest ....

– You are tougher than you know. We will ask for help and they can twist it into anything they want to. – At the end of the day, you have what what you need. The best way to confuse them and turn it around is to smile sweetly at them and say thank you. They can’t push your buttons and decide how you feel.

– We can’t change their behaviour but we can change our reaction to their foolishness.

— I’m always happy to defend you all. 😎

[LBLBLBLB in reply to LadyPenelope]

Thank you this helped me

[LadyPenelope in reply to LBLBLBLB]

Anytime... all I have is the new family I have found here. I will defend you with my words and my sheer size. Years ago, I had one of my big surgeries and my sister was informed by a mutual friend who happens to be a Dr; that he called and my word were slurred & I sounded drunk. He told her to check up on me because he suspected I’d taken my opiates twice in my confused state. A few days later the Dr got in touch and asked if my Sister came. I said no, a friend said I wasn’t making sense and came to my home. He looked shocked so I asked him to spill the beans. He said when he informed my dear Sister, she told him to take no notice of me because; “I do this all the time. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m just trying to get attention anyway I can” So ....

Whenever you feel “gaslighted” just scroll up and down to this message and encourage yourself that we are all in this together 😞

[Hidden in reply to LBLBLBLB]

What gets to me are people who were friends pass tittle tattle onto others and we get caught up in being wrong by association. This sort of person can cause so much damage especially if they lie or spread amplified tittle tattle that makes others walk away from the innocent party. These people are dangerous and nasty with it. No-one can protect themselves from these sort of people.

[LadyPenelope in reply to Hidden]

Sounds like my lil brother who for many years gave me the impression that he was the only one in the family who understood what Im going through, cared about me and and defended me when the rest of the family labelled me as an attention seeking, lazy hypochondriac. He’s in the US. He said he always tried to get my parents to calm down when it got to me......bla bla

You can imagine my shock and total disbelief when the two of us ended up in the country with my parents and I heard him telling my parents that I’m nothing but a fraudster!! That there’s nothing wrong with me and I call him all the time to complain about my dad, Mum, Sister, My lovely Auntie Mina and my favourite person ever; my Nan. He continued and said that he came to London and saw my medical papers and they were all fake. I understood the expression

“you could have knocked me over with a feather”. I was terrified. I remember wondering why my parents had become so hostile in the past few years. They pretend they can’t see that I’m unwell and I’m used to it; but I noticed a certain nasty streak had entered their behaviour but I couldn’t understand. Now I do. It was my brother. That day my father asked me to leave the house. I’ve never been so traumatised in my life. I had 2 suitcases and a walking stick. Somehow I managed to drag them out into the dark night. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. I will stop here because I’m still trying to find out why? Why would anyone do such a thing?

[Hidden in reply to LadyPenelope]

I went through something similar with my family, now I have moved far away.

My problems were part Sibling Rivalry, being an older Brother with two young Sisters.

Sometimes I do feel my life had been made harder due to others who should have known better. My life until retirement has been complex, We have to deal with what was laid out for us at earlier times. We are placed on the Earth too learn, A degree in life can be a difficult subject we all need to take at various levels

BOB

[hypercat54 in reply to LadyPenelope]

That's horrible and no wonder you are so devastated by this. How could your brother pretend all these years then turn on you like that? That's betrayal of the worst type.

Shame on your parents though for choosing to believe him over you as they should have known you better. x

[LadyPenelope in reply to hypercat54]

You can say that again!! Now I’m terrified of anyone who tries to help me or be kind to me in anyway. I’ve blocked the lot of them from calling, email text, WhatsApp and anything else I can think of. He works with Google so he’s able to bypass some of these and send me the most horrific messages. Which of the good things I did for him deserves such punishment. 😭

[Shadow123- in reply to LadyPenelope]

Brilliantly put and completely true. These types of ppl are shameless and quite frankly.... thick

[hypercat54 in reply to Shadow123-]

Thick isn't the word I would choose! I can think of much worse! x

[Shadow123- in reply to hypercat54]

You bet I wanted to !! My imagination is flooded with possible variations !!

[hypercat54 in reply to Shadow123-]

xx

[hypercat54]

Hi I had an experience last year of a former friend who slagged me off to others saying I had slapped her twice. What I had done was when I was really pleased for her about something I patted her cheek very gently twice which was a habit of mine. Unfortunately one of my fingers caught her hair for a second. I said sorry straightaway and we smiled at each other and I thought that was that and forgot about it. Then she decided she was 'jealous' of me and started spreading her story. Others had seen this patting and believed I had 'hit her twice and pulled her hair' including the landlord of the pub who barred me!

The she and others started spreading this round my darts league even to my own team behind my back! I told them what it was about and when others in the league mentioned it just laughed and say she was jealous coz I always beat her at darts. They agreed she was a gobby cow (she was). In other words I let my reputation speak for itself and just laughed as her accusations. If I saw her anywhere including darts I completely ignored her as though she didn't exist despite her trying to make me and bait me! I knew she was desperate for me to tackle her and provide more ammunition for them to slag me off about so I didn't.

Soon her true colours came out and it all blew over. I am on good terms with some of those who slagged me off apart from one whom I thought was a friend, This was the only thing that hurt but that's life I guess. I am not going running round a former friend who slagged me off am I? Even if she came up to me now and apologised I still wouldn't want to know her.

Well that's how I dealt with mine. I thought the less I react and the more I just laugh at it the quicker it will end. Every situation is different though so you will have to find your own way. Don't let anyone get a reaction out of you though. x

[LBLBLBLB in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks for that it helped a lot

[LadyPenelope in reply to hypercat54]

Well played!! People will eventually follow the smell past you to the stinking dung hill. Evil will never triumph over good. Way to go!!

🎯 🏆🥇💐😎

[Shadow123-]

Hi there friend. It's true - the gaslighting thing is something i have just got myself out of. It involved my daughters BF using my illnesses against me.... thank God I have now gotten rid but my relationship with my daughter is seriously damaged.

Know your own worth and please don't reveal too much of yourself to soon. Always going to be some **** to exploit you.

Take care

Shadow x

[hypercat54]

When I was 18 I was so desperate to get away from home, from the arguments to the toxic atmosphere that I moved to London. I was a very young 18 and was very miserable for the first year with undiagnosed depression and had a breakdown at 19 when I was in hospital for 3 months.

Not one of my family came to see me (ok it was 250 miles away but if it had been my daughter I would have been on the first train) and I remember begging and pleading with my mother to come and that I needed her. Her reaction? She shouted and yelled at me down the phone getting really nasty and abusive. I walked away hurt beyond belief and that's when I realised I was on my own in life and my family would never be there for me. It was a very hard lesson to learn so young and it did in some ways shape my character in that I now have a very hard time asking for help. But it did make me really understand how toxic my family really was and I have never asked them or expected any help or understanding from them since.

My parents are gone now and I treated both of them with far more compassion than they ever showed me because I have learned better. x

[kenster1]

going through the same thing right now with my family.members of my family have torn my sisters heart out and her daughter.seeing them suffer has made me worse.