Chronic depression episode

[Ssooff]

I’ve been in bed almost everyday from a week and a half now. I’ve just showered twice in this period of time, i sleep with my clothes on, and when I wake up i use the same clothes do the rest of the day, my room is so messy I can barely see the floor and kitties litter box is unattended, which makes me feel guilty and less likely to go outta bed bc i feel guilty and depressed. I’ve been in this cycle since I was a teenager (I’m 31 years old), and I don’t know when this is gonna stop. I quit my job in 2016 and decided to become a sex worker to be able to have money while being depressed, because I couldn’t function enough to go to an office. I didn’t even had the guts to quit to my old job, I just stopped going. I have a “controlled” recurring eating disorder, “controlled” because it never made me sick or ill, i gain and lose weight constantly, I can binge for days or stop eating for days but now I’m so angry to myself that I decided to become anorexic in order to focus on something else than my life. At least I’m not trying to kill myself as I sometimes do. The worse thing is that no one realizes of my condition because I’m quite skilled to socialize and hide this, so i look fine and “happy” but as soon as I get back to my house I just lay in bed until the next day. Anyway, just wanted to get this outta my chest and see what happens. Sorry if this is overwhelming. PS: I’m currently under psychologycal and psychiatric supervision and I think they’re doing the best they can, I really trust my doctors.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Ssoof,

Welcome to our supportive community. Well done for taking a brave step out of your comfort zone to reach out for help. Hopefully, you will find folks here are only too willing to come alongside you and share from their personal journeys and experiences.

You are obviously having a difficult time right now, but you find that your experience will resonate with many members, you are not alone. It is good that you are finding your professional psychiatric and psychological support helpful.

In the meantime, do familiarise yourself with our T&C's and Community Guidelines, and check out our Pinned Post section for free mental health guides, international crisis support helplines.

Keep in touch! Ok folks please pop by and say Hi to this new member!

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse

[reinagrace]

Hi Ssooff i'm glad you are under professional care and trust your doctors . Seems like they haven't been able to get you on an antidepressant that takes the edge off? i know how hard it is, there's been times i stayed in bed for weeks. Do you ever try church? My faith is a comfort to me. But since it's an illness just like any physical illness, i get overwhelmed a lot and try to manage the best that i can. I pray that through counseling and meds, you will experience healing. And that you also can find good supportive friends