Medication

[scarsbeneathyourbeautiful]

I’m going to the doctors on Monday and I’m asking for medication. I have always been one to say I’m fine and I don’t need any help, but the truth is I do. Things have been getting worse since a year ago and I’ve done nothing to help myself. I’ve taken on everyone’s issues and acted as if I was fine. It’s taken a toll on everything in my life and I hate who I’ve become. I admire everyone else’s strength when dealing with mental health yet I see myself as the most pathetic and weak person there is. I’m the strong one in my family and despite no one knowing I’m going to the docs or I’ve been struggling, I feel like a let down and I feel so ashamed. I want the old me back but I never imaged I’d need medications or help to get me that way. I am so lost and broken I can’t even describe.

[a-lynn]

You know admitting to yourself there's a problem shows strength, as does taking action to do something about it. I keep shying away from both and sliding even further away from who I am. It's easy and stupid to do nothing. Get help if you can. <3

[Hidden]

I feel the same I think. I feel like I SHOULD be able to cope without medication, that it's a failing and a weakness in me. Do I feel like this about anyone else? No, not at all - and that includes you, scarsbeneathyourbeautiful.

If you think of the language we tend to use when we're the one coping - we use words and phrases like support, carrying a burden, having a weight on our shoulders - they're often to do with physical actions. And if problems carried actual physical weight, and we were dragging them around because we didn't know how or where to safely put them down, we would be in pretty poor shape. And we'd need anti inflammatories and painkillers and physio and slings and crutches so on. And no one would judge us, least of all ourselves.

So mentally, when we've been holding everyone else up, and carrying all the weight of the responsibilities, and keeping it all together on our own or everyone else's behalf, the same rules apply, but with our mental, not physical, wellbeing.

So I try to think of it that way. I still blame myself and think I'm pointless, but every now and then I step back and think the above and try to let myself off the hook a bit.

And for you, it really does sound like you've been the one helping others, but we all have our limits. So taking care of your mental health is the best thing you can do a) for yourself and b) for those who care about you.

I'm now on medication having denied it to myself for about 25 years, and it's not a cure-all, but it helps. I'm a bit less hard on myself, and a bit less often. Medication can take a few weeks to kick in, and it might take a few tries to find the right one for you. But stick with it, have faith. Once you're not feeling so low, it's going to be easier to find ways to take control and make yourself happier, which of course is what you deserve.

I hope you have a kind and sympathetic GP. Let us know how you get on.

[scarsbeneathyourbeautiful in reply to Hidden]

This means so much, thank you so much for such kind and honest words. I can’t carry on the way I am so I will go to the doctors, fingers crossed they can help me. Thank you so so much..

[Hidden in reply to scarsbeneathyourbeautiful]

Good for you - you're doing the right thing. I have to stop and think sometimes, if it were someone else thinking what I think, what would I do/say? And the answer to that is usually 'be kind to them.' So be kind to yourself.

Good luck with the dr.

[scarsbeneathyourbeautiful in reply to Hidden]

Hey, I went to the doctors this morning. She’s prescribed me Sertreline for depression and to help my new anxiety too. I’m starting it this weekend as it may knock me out a little bit whilst at work. She wanted to sign me off work but I said it’s the only thing that keeps me going, and despite not wanting to go I feel like if I was signed off I’d never go back. So I’m going to work tomorrow after not moving from bed all weekend. I haven’t told my parents about the depression or meds, I still haven’t quite got my head around it and they have enough to deal with, so I do feel guilty about that, but today is the first day I’ve felt a little bit more positive about things. Maybe this will help me at last X

[Hidden in reply to scarsbeneathyourbeautiful]

I'm on sertraline too. You might find it takes a good couple of weeks to kick in but if it doesn't seem to be helping, don't be afraid to tell your GP - you might need a higher dose or a different medication. Have faith.

I know what you mean about going to work - actually keeping routines can be helpful and I think it's a really positive thing that you can see that, and you have the strength to tell your GP - sometimes talking with and countering what a professional is saying can be very daunting.

Don't worry about not telling your parents, you have nothing to feel guilty about there. Sometimes we need to sit on something a wee while before we're ready to share. We have to find the language to express ourselves not only to others, but ourselves too. It's much easier to tell others how you feel when you have solidified your thoughts and feelings to the point of being able to define them and work with them and challenge them. And depression is great for making us woolly headed and unable to work out what we should do first. You are the best judge of when and how to talk to your parents but it is fine not to tell them straight away. To use your phrase, you need to get your head around it all first, before you can talk about it.

I didn't find sertraline knocked me out, I was fine. I felt a bit of nausea for the first few days but I've not suffered any side effects. I think even just taking it empowered me a little bit and made me feel more positive, even before it started working.

Have a good day at work!

[scarsbeneathyourbeautiful in reply to Hidden]

I started my meds today and I’ve felt rotten all day. I feel so nauseous I was sat by the toilet and my head has felt so heavy and it’s getting worse. My eyes are heavy and I’m dizzy, I haven’t managed to do anything I had planned today other than lie down. I don’t dare take another tablet tomorrow...

[Hidden in reply to scarsbeneathyourbeautiful]

Read the patient information leaflet - are you experiencing any of the listed side effects? You could try calling 111 and see if you can be reassured about continuing, or if you should stop and ask for a different medication. Or maybe the dose could be lowered?

Sertraline is generally well tolerated, but there are other meds available if the side effects are too much - and yours do sound extreme.

Another thing you could try is to see if there's any anti nausea medication you could safely take in order to combat the sickness - because it might be temporary (I think that's what I was told by my GP) but don't take anything without checking with a dr or pharmacist first.

I hope you feel better tomorrow.

[scarsbeneathyourbeautiful in reply to Hidden]

I’ve noticed my dr has started me on 50mg rather than the smaller dose, and in the past I’ve struggled with codeine and diazepam (a neck injury) and was on the smallest dose possible due to drowsiness and nausea, so maybe this is the same. I’m going to see if the dose can be lowered and if not try a different one as I have felt awful all day and wouldn’t be able to put up with this for a week or so until they subside as I wouldn’t manage at work etc.

Thank you so much