Leave

[scarsbeneathyourbeautiful]

WHY can’t I leave. Someone please just tell me it isn’t just me who is so stuck in such a messed up relationship. He’s kept stuff from me and lied to me once again. 5 years and all I’ve asked is for him to be honest with me, yet every time I find him lying he says “I’ll tell you next time”. I feel awful for having to ask for honesty, I feel awful for getting mad and saying bad things. Yet every time he does something I still hang around despite how ever many times I say it’s over. I can’t be without him and it’s a feeling I can’t describe. Sitting here thinking about not having him in my life again kills me. Why can’t he just change and do as I ask like any other relationship would. I hate myself because of him but I don’t see any way out.

[Satsuma]

It can be because you want him to change. To be nice all the time. Also it can be because you don't feel secure enough to be on your own .. I'm saying these as these are what I felt many years ago .. I finally ended my marriage and I thank myself so much for doing so or else I would still be in the same position in a dead end relationship .. Now I can make my own choices and do whatever I want

[Hidden]

Consider, you have been with this person for five years, I gather the idea would have been you were hoping to get married

The problem possibly is, the relationship has become a habit and now you find yourself in a place you would not want to live with for the next forty years. The problem is you need to count your blessings and move on. Look at this another way you can protect the home against a thief, you cannot protect the relationship and home from a liar.

Divorce is to easy and costly the only person who benefits is solicitors. You need to consider where this relationship is going

BOB

[Hidden]

Oh love, he won't change. After five years he's got you hating yourself and believing you can't live without him. And he's very wrong about that - you might not be able to see it yet, but he's wrong. How would he react if you were to lie to him? Think about that, what would his reaction be, how would he feel? Don't do it though, lie to him, because you're better than that and you don't need to stoop to his level. Think about what you have to offer in a relationship and what he does - who would you rather be in a relationship with, someone like you or someone like him?

Honesty and trust are intrinsic to any relationship - he hasn't shown you any respect if he's happy to lie to you. And you deserve respect. Getting angry and saying 'bad' things are a normal reaction to being lied to.

This is a fault in him, not you. He isn't worthy of you.

To be blunt, your choices are to stay and nothing will change, or leave and live without him - which you can. You don't know it but you can.

I say all this assuming he's lying about big things - money, cheating, drug use....

Do you want to say the things he's lying about?

[hypercat54]

Great reply HayKay and I totally agree with you. x

[Clockwor]

I've been there. I thought I could change him. I thought our love would help him see he was hurting me. But I kept telling myself he didn't mean it. He didn't want to hurt me. I kept playing out the same routine.

After 5 years he won't change. You forgave him for 5 years so why would you walk away now. That's what he's thinking.

You may also feel you can't be without him. I did. I was wrong.

Walking away was the hardest but best thing I ever did. I cried a lot after. But now I'm in a healthy relationship where honestly is a given not a request.

Have faith in you self. X