I don’t know how anyone gets through waiting for surgeries

[ZenGiraffe]

Just venting here... I have my first of two brain surgeries on Tuesday, and I’ve been off the charts anxious. Luckily no actual panic attacks, but my god, how does ANYONE do it w or w o anxiety and depression?! It’s been a struggle for the last two weeks, and I’m back on a low dose of clonazepam that has a hx of working really well for me, but for once it’s not helping and I’m STILL a wreck. Time feels like it’s stopped entirely, my sleep schedule is completely fucked up... I just can’t take it. I feel like I’m gonna explode w all this waiting! I’ve got a 3.5 hour drive to the hospital on Monday for a last minute MRI, and the surgery is Tuesday am, thank god, but all my meditation, and yoga, and calming coping skills have been failing for weeks now. The worst part is, since this is a clinical study, I can’t have any of my actual antidepressant medications changed!! Ugh. Thanks for letting me vent, I feel like I’m going crazier, and my poor husband is doing his best to help, but I know he’s exhausted too. The scary part is this is truly just the beginning, I’ve got a whole year of no med changes, and questionnaires, etc. I just don’t get how anyone manages to get through waiting for any surgery day w o completely losing it.

[fauxartist]

well...I have no words....because I really am blown away as to what to say....other than I deeply feel for your situation...and thankfully you have someone there to support you through this....I know there is nothing anyone could say to make you feel better around your anxiety as it seems you have had coping skills in place for a while. I am sending all the healing vibes your way from my heart I can. If I were in your position I don't think I would be as brave as you are to keep moving forward, and I admire you greatly for having the courage to get better.....I know that's no consolation for what your going through of course, but I really do hope this gains you some peace....and helps you to live a better life....and for that.... the end result will all be worth it...my very best to you.

[Hidden]

There is little we can say to help, you do not mention what your condition is and therefore we do not know the situation you are finding yourself in.

All I can say I am Chronic Disabled and have gone through many different procedures over the last thirty years, all I can suggest is on the day of your operation use your coping Techniques, MINDFULNESS that should help you relax, they will give a Sedative on the ward or in the Surgical side ward before taking you in for your operation. You will find on the day of your Operation you should not feel to jumpy as your time will be taken over with checks and meeting various team members. Try using your Breathing Techniques as they take you down to the Operating Room. I never get over how calm the Staff are as they prepare and confirm who you are.

Let us know how you get on, Keep a hold and Good Luck, Tuesday

BOB

[ZenGiraffe in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the tips. This is experimental deep brain stimulation in a clinical study to see if it is more effective than ECT in treating depression w fewer cognitive side effects. I’m not anxious about the surgery itself as much as just the waiting to get it done... I have treatment resistant major depression for the last 8 years and after 90 ECT treatments in 6 years and trying 40some medications, my life is in ruins. If this surgery is successful, I may never have to have ECT again and my depression will finally be in remission. I live in the states and this surgery isn’t FDA approved for treating depression, but they use it to treat movement disorders like Parkinson’s and I think Tourette’s among others w great success. There have been other studies that have had good results so I’m feeling positive about the outcome.

[Atenns2 in reply to ZenGiraffe]

"There's no greater love than for one to lay down their life for another". Giving yourself for a clinical trial is more than trying to get yourself well. Its so that if it works, others will have a solution to their great pain. Its a painful, daunting, nerve-breaking bravest sacrifice you are making. God who formed us & created our body cells only knows the depth of your anguish & can comfort you. Make no mistake, only He knows what you are going through; including that you made the decision to put yourself through surgery to benefit not only yourself but others. You certainly wont die as God would see you through by HIS mercies & compassions which "are new everyday & faileth not" But think of this: in our brief sojourn here on earth, you made the bravest decision to enrol for one of the most painful trials to benefit others who are suffering. I can only pray that the mercies of God which see you from one day to another, even when you think it's all over, will keep keeping you. You have lived a good life for putting yourself on the line for others. Not being able to change medication etc & suffer pains to go through a trial. God only will comfort you this time, and surely He will, in His mysterious ways. Say me BIG THANK YOU to your husband & tell him I beg him not to give up even if he doesn't understand. God put him there to be the angel to help you in this your time of need. Believe me it will pass & you will get better because you are putting yourself on a trial to benefit not only you but others. You may feel weak. But you are a hero with a heart of gold! That alone is fulfilling. May God continue to comfort you.

[Hidden in reply to ZenGiraffe]

Yes I have heard about this treatment, as you say results seem good for various other conditions. The treatment pathway they have offered hopefully will work given time .

Let us know how you get on, I will be interested to know

Good luck on Tuesday

Keep a hold

BOB