Hopeless

[lalaxd]

Hi, I just wanted to write this post here because I.. well I don't know, I'm desperate at the moment. I've struggled with anxiety all my life and suffered my first depressive episode age 14 which lasted six months, since then its been a daily struggle dealing with depression and anxiety and last year around January i fell into an even worse episode that lasted most of the year, I don't know how I made it through alive in all honesty, I was in the depths of despair. Now I'm 18 and I've been on fluoxetine for more than a year now ( I put off going medication for as long as I could) and i've been struggling, I'm repeating the year of school and I just i dont know anymore, it seems like my dose of medication keeps going up and up and I don't know whats wrong with me. I feel so trapped, the past few days I've been feeling suicidal and I just wish I wasn't like this, I feel so alone too, like some of my friends have struggled with mental health issues but nobody seems to have struggled to the same severity as me. I'm seeing my doctor on monday but I feel really hopeless in all honesty. I feel like I don't understand why people live. Does anyone else feel like this or am i just insane?

[Hidden]

This sounds exactly like me, I just want you to know that I care and I understand what you’re going through. I’ve been on Sertraline for around 6 months no after putting it off for so long and my dose keeps going up and up too.

I know how it feels, like an endless cycle of the suicidal feelings being there every single day, and a couple of days that make you feel like you’re getting “better”. Down days get worse and then doctors increase the medication right. I know the feeling.

I am also in the middle of the suicidal stage, so I’m guessing I’ll have a medication increase pretty soon.

My advice to you (from what I’ve been doing) is to try and start a journal/ diary. What I do is I wright down all my suicidal thoughts, and negative thoughts, and I try to wright something good. Like maybe something that happened positive during that day, or if there isn’t one I try to think of a good memory from childhood or a funny moment that happened. I also try to do this before I sleep because it helps to get everything out of your head. Night times are when the thoughts are worse, so if you just try to get everything onto paper, then you can somewhat forget about what you’re thinking about and focus on that one positive thing you wrote down.

I really hope this helps even a little bit, and I’m always here to talk if you ever need to talk to someone in the same position. You’re not insane, and if you think you are, that makes us both insane!😊

Wish you the very best xx

[Suzie40]

I was on 40mg fluoxetine but I hit a brick wall when it just seemed to stop working. Rather than up the dose, my doctor started I try something alongside it and I have started on 10mg abilify as well. I feel lots better now (when I actually take them!).

Have you considered counselling or some other type of therapy. Always better to treat the cause as well as the symptoms in my opinion x

[sweetiepye]

You're not insane. Insane people don't write concise and consecutive thoughts as you have done. I suspect most of us have felt hopeless at times but not all the time. Do you have periods of peace? I told my Doctor once that he's just treating my symptoms and I still don't know the cause or what I actually have. He said ' that's what Doctors do '. Made me feel hopeful , ha. Writing thing down on a daily basis is extremely helpful. When you read back over it you will see patterns and the same things happening over and over. It gives you some insight into yourself. Your life will get better. You are worth saving and your life has purpose. You may not know what it is yet but you will someday, and you will be grateful you are alive. How do I know this ? I personally know people who have recovered , and I have read experiences other people have had. My family has had two members commit suicide . It is the most devastating thing and you never get over it. You feel so guilty for not having helped but you also had no clue anything was wrong. Go to your family now and give them a chance to be there for you. Pam

[Stilltrying_]

Sad to say that I can relate to this. I was "up" for about 6 weeks and I thought I was better and then it was back to all the terrible thoughts again. I feel like I have let my family and friends down because I told them all I was better and genuinely thought I was and then a big "crash" again. I don't find that medication makes much difference in my case. I was on the same medication when I suddenly felt better as I am on now, only they have maxed my antidepressants now but it makes no difference. All I can say is hang on in there. I am just accepting that sometimes I feel like this for long periods. In some ways now I am just trying to fool my brain and tell myself that I don't feel like this as I do not consider suicide a viable option and always strongly advise anyone against even considering this option as I don't feel it is an acceptable answer when what I want to do is feel better rather than not be here. Also the truly devastating effect it has on others cannot in my mind be justified. My only alternative is to keep going and keep trying. I'm much better in company when I can get my mood up enough to partake in company and sometimes I still have hope.

Do keep trying though. You are a lot younger than me and maybe you will find something that works for you be it meds, counselling, life changes etc. XXXXX