Something is wrong with me

I'm broken I can t think strait

In 2017 my parents said they were going to get a fresh start but then all their arguments got worse and worse and they were screaming so loud ringing in my ears.

I tried to let it go you know "new year new me".

The thoughts of my parents, the people who I love the most in the world were making me choose sides.

And then time after time police were called over and over again but by a point ever one is the same "The person next door had a noise complaint and told me to investigate"

After a while I accepted my life.

The shitshow that it was.

But one day my sister got sick so we took her to the hospital because it seemed bad the first time they just sent my mother and sister home with a "She just needs rest" and some medicine.

Little did we know she had blood cancer.

My family never told me and my brother. Until the day we went to visit her, in Stanford Hospital, where they told us she has Blood cancer I cried and cried and then got all theese thoughts.

Suacidal thoughts.

Thoughts that I'd never see my sister again.

Now its been 4 months and my sister is a lot better.

But the lingering suacidal thoughts in my head tell me to do it and I say no but I they just keep flooding my head and I don't know what's wrong with me.

Is this depression?

Trauma?

PTSD?

Anxiety?

I don't know

Something is wrong with me.

-

I'm breaking down slowly

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Sombody and welcome to this caring and supportive community.

We hear what you are saying and don't treat it lightly, you have been going through a very difficult time recently with all that has happened in you family life. Does it feel like you haven't been able to process and deal with one problem before another one takes it's place?

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. May I ask if you have been able to talk about how you feel with anyone? It must be such a relief to know that your sister is so much better.

Has this traumatic time brought your Mum and Dad closer while they have been trying to support you sister through her ordeal? Also have you thought that they might have been trying to shield you and your brother from the truth of your sister's life threatening illness?

However now you have time to try and make sense of all that has happened to you and the family, it is understandable that you are experiencing thoughts and feelings that you find difficult to process, We really urge you to talk with someone that you trust, and a health professional about the way you are feeling. You don't say how old you are but that you still live at home. May I ask how old you are please?

I have enclosed some helpful information below and there is information in the 'Pinned posts' that could prove informative for you.

Good luck and best wishes that everything improves in the future, keep in touch.

MAS Nurse.

mind.org.uk Helplines - Tel: [phone] or text: 86463.

Samaritans 24/7 Tel: 116 123.

[Blabla4joy]

Hello somebody! Let me just say you are truly somebody special even though you don’t feel that way. You don’t deserve to feel the way you do but we don’t always have control of the happenings in our life and when those things come at us we need someone to talk to. Talking it out with someone is a must to get through it and over it. We can’t keep feeling inside or they will build up until we are clinically depressed. Only a doctor can diagnose you but either way if you are feeling like this you have to talk to someone. If you are still in school you can go see your school counselor in private if you don’t feel you can talk to your parents. Anytime you need us here we are here. Do please keep in touch. I’m just a somebody who has recently been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and anxiety and my therapist is saying he thinks I might have PTSD. I was mentally and physically abused by my ex husband for 22 years. Finally got away 13 years ago but have only just started therapy the past 6 months. Long over due. It’s is good you are recognizing the possibility of an illness and reaching out with questions about it. I went way to long thinking I was fine before I started having problems at work along with so many symptoms, I don’t want anyone to go without help. Always know there is always someone out there who cares and who will listen to you. Just reach out dear. You should never suffer pain alone. God Loves You!