Had enough

[idontno]

I’m new, I’m 37, n hate everything, I’m just not in the mood, I have no motivation. I have ideas how to change things, but then I fall bk into the sadness & don’t do anything. I feel low a lot, I cry for silly things. I get really angry and trash my room y? I don’t no cus I have to clean up after. If I never had kids I don’t think I would be here now. I don’t have no real friends to talk to, they just use me when they need help with sumthin, and talk about me behind my back. I have suffered depression since high school on & off. Also self harmed a lot & taken an overdose. I have lost so much weight, i have had eating disorders in the past. I hate the way I look, I cry so much my face is aging and I hate it, I’m scared of getting old. I hate goin to work , & often cry in work. Because I’m thinking about stuff that upsets me. It doesn’t matter if I’m home it’s still the same. I don’t seem to have no control over my life and most of the time I am pissed off in a mood. I feel so lonely and don’t no what to do. I’ve tried tablets and councilin, nothin works. My mom suffers with depression and her mom 2, I really hope it doesn’t carry on to my kids they are so happy . N they hate to see me cry but I can’t help it. I don’t want them lookin back & remembering I was always upset. I have read on here how ppl are in pain but it’s mental not physical I get that, I hurt so much I just wish it would go away. I was bullied in school & I used to self harm. And still do now. The only thing I’ve kept under control is the eating disorders. I try to eat more as I’ve lost so much weight but I’m just getting skinnier I hate it, I could go on but I really feel like what is the point. I just want all this to stop but I guess it never will, these problems never go away n come bk worse for me anyway. I’ve also been on my period for the past 3 weeks which doesn’t help, I’ve always had problems, but doctors can’t find anything wrong. My heart goes out to anyone on this site, cus living like this is unbearable. I just cry n cry . I don’t no if any1 can advise me but I would be grateful.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi idontno,

Welcome to our community! You do sound like you are really struggling to cope and that life seems overwhelming at the moment. Folks here are very supportive and will hopefully offer you help from their wealth of experience. Maybe it's time to ask your GP for a referral to a psychiatrist or local mental health team, who have the expertise to assess your needs and offer treatment options.

Here's a link to MIND UK for more information:

Telephone Helpline: 0300 123 3393 [e-mail] Text: 86463

Keep these crisis line numbers handy and do not give up hope:

The Samaritans Tel: 116 123 [24 hours line]

NHS: 999 [Emergencies]

NHS 111 [Non-Emergencies]

We are listening. Keep in touch.

Best wishes

[susieanna]

I empathise with how you feel; i too have depression, an anxiety disorder and an severe emotional disorder; i also drink. Though try not to, as if mental health say you are an alcoholic they just pass the buck and ignore the mental health. I was also bullied at school which affected me severely; i was also bullied at the workplace; the list could go on; also bereaved twice in 2017. I also have extreme lonliness.

Its awful feeling like this, and you cannot just snap out of it. Have you been to see the GP?; i urge you to go, even though i find many to be of no use ; and mental health services are diabolical; its almost impossible to get to see a psychiatrist. Have you been to see one yet? You do well to manage to go to work! Get down to your GP asap, and request for mental health services and to see a psychiatrist. They may try and put you off or say that things have changed in the system; but tell them how you feel on a daily basis. Its essential you do this; Are you even on any medication? its not cure, though may help a little; anyway, please go to your GP; and tell them everything, make request to see Psychiatrist and therapy ; good luck xxx Oh you have had counselling; no guarantee it will help, but go back and try again, go back and change the medication, xxx

[idontno in reply to susieanna]

Thanx for your reply the only 1, which makes me just feel worse , all the other posts have so many reply’s and advice, I was really hopin to get sum advice from other ppl on here, but as usual it seems like I am invisible. I did go doctors and they have arranged for me to go to group therapy starting next week for 6 weeks, it is meant to help ppl deal with there feelings and give different ways to manage how your feeling. Not looking forward to it to be honest, being with a group of strangers, I always feel like ppl are looking at me like I have 2 heads or sumthin. But I need to try something and the doctor didn’t think that tablets would really help anytime soon since they take long to kick in. I hate feelin like this, & I don’t have any1 I trust enough to talk to, so it’s just me, sitting here by myself in tears just thinking of ways to get away, which is not possible since of have kids , so I’m stuck in this shit life that I hate so much,