I’m new, I’m 37, n hate everything, I’m just not in the mood, I have no motivation. I have ideas how to change things, but then I fall bk into the sadness & don’t do anything. I feel low a lot, I cry for silly things. I get really angry and trash my room y? I don’t no cus I have to clean up after. If I never had kids I don’t think I would be here now. I don’t have no real friends to talk to, they just use me when they need help with sumthin, and talk about me behind my back. I have suffered depression since high school on & off. Also self harmed a lot & taken an overdose. I have lost so much weight, i have had eating disorders in the past. I hate the way I look, I cry so much my face is aging and I hate it, I’m scared of getting old. I hate goin to work , & often cry in work. Because I’m thinking about stuff that upsets me. It doesn’t matter if I’m home it’s still the same. I don’t seem to have no control over my life and most of the time I am pissed off in a mood. I feel so lonely and don’t no what to do. I’ve tried tablets and councilin, nothin works. My mom suffers with depression and her mom 2, I really hope it doesn’t carry on to my kids they are so happy . N they hate to see me cry but I can’t help it. I don’t want them lookin back & remembering I was always upset. I have read on here how ppl are in pain but it’s mental not physical I get that, I hurt so much I just wish it would go away. I was bullied in school & I used to self harm. And still do now. The only thing I’ve kept under control is the eating disorders. I try to eat more as I’ve lost so much weight but I’m just getting skinnier I hate it, I could go on but I really feel like what is the point. I just want all this to stop but I guess it never will, these problems never go away n come bk worse for me anyway. I’ve also been on my period for the past 3 weeks which doesn’t help, I’ve always had problems, but doctors can’t find anything wrong. My heart goes out to anyone on this site, cus living like this is unbearable. I just cry n cry . I don’t no if any1 can advise me but I would be grateful.