Trying to live my best life

[Past_present7]

Hello, today I searched in google ‘tired of the way the world is treating me’... this site came up and here I am!

Where to start! Il go into my past, when I was 13 as a already fragile growing girl I was abused by someone I was meant to trust, on top of that which probably hurt me more In The long run is when I built up the courage to speak out and someone else that was the closest person to me, my closest family member went against me and decided to basically abandon me... so really my problems started happening a long time ago. After that I went through a lot of stages of self abuse, from drink to drugs to self harm. I was in a dark place for some years, but inside I never lost that hope that one day my messed up life will seem a distant memory... it’s been over 15 years now... after many failed attempts to make a living work and relationships work I’m on here feeling like not much has changed. I look at a lot of the things I’ve done and I feel like I only have myself to blame, I’m now very unhappy to the point of being depressed because of nearly everything in my life! Where I live, to my job, and having no one that truly cares.

The only thing that keeps me going is my baby, he is everything to me and I look at him and think f h I don’t want to mess up his life too! I want the best for him, but already I feel I haven’t done him any favours... I want to give him more than I can. When I first became pregnant his dad was not up for becoming a parent so I ended it and told him I would deal with it. He is awear I have him but has not made a effort to see him, he seems to have ‘moved on’....

Not wanting to talk to much about my baby il talk to you about my ‘on my own’ present. I don’t sleep, I don’t have any friends, only know two family member now and in the state I am in right now even those relationships are very strained. I only ever go out to take my boy out. I feel like there is so much to explain and say but il leave it and just say what I want out of this, I want a better way of dealing with how I feel and I want to become a good problem solver of my life! As I know I’m the only one that can sort it! Maybe just writing this now is helping... maybe I’m hoping to make friends and hear of other people’s stories and just talk

[Iluvhorses]

I don't know what your beliefs are, but I am a Christian and I might have committed suicide by now if it weren't for my faith. It has gotten me through so much. I do other things like exercise and I love horseback riding, but my faith is the most important thing in the world to me.

[Past_present7]

I was brought up a Christian and I know I still believe and have faith. I’m just not someone that goes to church... I still practice within me though if that makes any sense. I agree with you, having beliefs and faith can get someone through really hard times. The hardest thing for me right now is being very limited in what I can do right now, I have no help at all with my little boy so I care for him 24/7 and in my head I’m thinking I don’t even want us to be living where we are and I feel helpless to do anything about it. Thank you for replying to me!