Relationships

[scarsbeneathyourbeautiful]

How do you know when it’s over? I’ve spent years being absolutely head over heels, but recently I’ve come to realise I haven’t been treat how I should have been. And now after all these years I’m sat wondering what I want anymore... Someone please tell me.

[LadyBarb]

Knowing when it's over "Over!" is when you do something about the relationship. Only you will know when the time is right. No one else can do that for you, unfortunately. Sounds like you're on your way ~ but it's so hard when you've been 'head over heels in love' for a long time.

You already know you've not been treated well ~ that's a big step out of the 'denial' we have when love blinds us from all the negative behaviours towards us. Please take good care of yourself, and put yourself 'first', and not your partner? Love, Barbara xx

[scarsbeneathyourbeautiful in reply to LadyBarb]

Thank you Barbara. The thing I find the hardest is knowing he’s the person I should be moving in with and marrying, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted, yet here I am wondering if that’s what I even want anymore. There’s so much I would lose and I’m not sure if I can cope with that. I do need to put myself first though, I have put up with an awful lot and I’ve only just realised that recently. I’m feeling very lost at the moment and I’m struggling to come up with a solution and decide what I actually want. Xx

[LadyBarb in reply to scarsbeneathyourbeautiful]

Hi Beautiful ... I've been there, done that I'm afraid ~ and it was a major life choice which took me down a path where I was nearly killed by my "wonderful-but-he-doesn't-treat-me-right" so-called loving husband. I can only tell you that that was my experience. I can't say it'd be your experience.

What you do know for sure is: He doesn't treat you right, and you're having severe doubts about the relationship.

All you can do is go with what your "gut feelings" are already telling you, and they're the ones that have broken through what are your 'hopes, wishes and dreams'.

"Hopes, wishes and dreams" aren't 'reality' ~ they're merely beautiful dreams of how you'd like life to be with him.

You can't change him to be the 'ideal man'. I've tried that, more than once ~ and as the many who've walked that road before me can confirm ~ only 'he' can change himself, IF 'he' even wants to change..! If 'he' even sees anything at all wrong with his behaviour ~ which apparently he doesn't or he wouldn't be treating you in the least badly.

Moving in with him ~ getting married to him ~ 'why' would you think his bad behaviours would change..? He already knows what you've been willing to put up with from him, and it only gets worse from there. That much I can assure you of.

I do so much hope that you'll make the right choices for you. Please, DO put yourself first, not the 'things' you might lose. They're only 'things' ~ you're a lovely person with your own identity, and with a lot of love to offer ~ and you risk losing your "self" with your present man ~ and being with him, you're losing the opportunity of meeting a real person you haven't yet met, who IS the right man for you, and who WILL treat you well and offer to fulfil all your hopes, wishes and dreams, in ways you haven't even yet dreamed of yet.

But, as ever, the choice of your future is in your hands ... you hold all the 'answers' within yourself, and they're what your 'gut instincts' are trying to tell you. You are 'listening' to what they're saying ~ you're just not 'hearing' yet ... Blessed Be, Beautiful ~ with love, B xx

[sweetiepye]

You are the only one who can answer that. Maybe it would help to think about what you don't want. Pam

[scarsbeneathyourbeautiful in reply to sweetiepye]

I honestly don’t know. If I finish things I risk losing absolutely everything we have built up over the last 5 years. I can’t even imagine starting over again with someone else. But staying is a risk of just putting up with things and never really being happy. I feel so so stuck.

[sweetiepye in reply to scarsbeneathyourbeautiful]

I think you have your answer in your reply. At my age I can tell you things don't mean very much, but relationships are everything.. Pam

[Faithfull in reply to sweetiepye]

That was a good nice reply as at my age I had the same when Will I learn!