Hello, I have been struggling lately with being very pissed off and wanting to just move away. I know these thoughts are completely irrational and would be ignorant on my part. Somedays I wish I could just run away and start my life over. I have two daughters both of which I love dearly, but honestly want to escape their fathers entirely. Yes, I have two kids and they have different fathers.
My oldest daughter's father was a drug addict and very abusive. I just couldn't get enough of him and thought I needed him. I kept letting him come back even after all he had done. Part of me hated him and the other part of me wanted to change him. I don't regret my daughter, just who her father is.
My younger daughter's father is significantly older than me and had two other kids (one of which commited suicide last year) and at first things were great for about a year. Once I got pregnant I started feeling insecure and of course had to change my medicine that had worked so well (in reality it only made me feel numb metaphorically), but I would have rather felt that than all the pain. I had severe depression and I guess paranoia while being pregnant. I was always suspicious and it caused severe anxiety. Our relationship went down hill after that first year and honestly at times I hate him. He can be so vindictive and condescending, but of course it is all me anyways. Anyhow, I just needed to vent because I am so pissed.