why me : about 18 years ago my wife... - Mental Health Sup...

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why me

Jake1999 profile image
12 Replies

about 18 years ago my wife cheated on me and we got divorced. Now I have been in a relationship for the past 15 years to find out last night she has been unfaithful. I just want to give up !! But I have never loved a person this way. She takes full ownership of her mistake but I don’t know what to do. Need advice please I feel so sad and empty.

12 Replies
Vonus559 profile image

You matter and it’s what you want that counts

welly10 profile image

Everyone will have their own answer to been unfaithful to a partner so advice is only their own personal thing.forgiving part is with time forgetting is a whole different ball game.ive never been unfaithful to my wife but ex girlfriend yes as I've aged I've thought about it and it was wrong should have let them go before hurting them.personally I take vows and marriage different to relationships and it clouded my judgement.i could never stay with someone after they cheated but plenty do and that's their choice you have to decide what you want moving fwd.1 st question I would ask is why do it.? Good luck 👍

Jake1999 profile image
Jake1999 in reply to welly10

Thank you

Rupertthebear profile image

I am very sorry to hear that Jake . You must be heartbroken especially after so many years of togetherness. I don’t know whether you have disabilities etc why you are on this forum but despite that if you have children with disabilities they say your chances of separation are significantly bigger . Remember there are many people who are into their fourth or fifth wife so don’t beat yourself with the broom over this . No body can truly answer your question only you will arrive at the answer in time .Men and women are very different in terms of how they handle stress and how stress affects their bodies. Be kind to yourself and take time to reflect sometimes somethings happen for the best but you would never know .

Truename12 profile image

I think there are some really great answers already posted to your question. I would say most importantly, don’t take it as a reflection on you. I hope your wife will use the opportunity to do some therapy and do some growth about herself. Everyone knows that relationships are challenging and some people deal with it by straying. Like everyone else above is saying, it’s completely a unique situation for every couple and it’s totally up to you how you want to handle it. I have been fortunate in the past little while to have found a good therapist. That can really help. And your spiritual tradition can help too. This is a very common problem, and you can read about other peoples’ experiences to give you ideas of how you might want to go forward. Good luck!

theamos profile image

I was married for 10 years with a very good "open" relationship and my wife still cheated on me. I could not wrap my head around it and and blamed myself for a long time. I finally realized I can not control others actions especially an addicts

JessFM profile image

Maybe therapy for couples could help you through it if that's what you choose. Have you asked her why she did it? Is it something you can forgive her for? If you keep thinking about it and stay together it might just crush you and not be worth the pain.

All the best

Scarlett28 profile image

I recently divorced and am living on my own for the first time in 22 years. While I am sad spending most of my time alone, there is also something freeing about it. No more worry about them just focusing on me. I feel a little more independent and confident, hopefully more each day🙏

PeterRabbit1305 profile image

Once trust has been broken it is hard to get it back, if you ever can. My advice would be to tell them exactly how you feel and tell them you want to take things day by day. It is something that will now always be at the back of your mind and if they care about you enough they will work with you to rebuild that trust (but it will never be the trust that you once had) remember that. If you still want to be together after what has happened you need to draw an imaginary line and cross over it and never look back. Given time you may regain that trust back but if not. Hold your head high and walk away. You are a better person than that and deserve way better from your partner. If you feel the trust just isn't coming back then live your life for you and the right person will come into your life when the time is right.

Jake1999 profile image
Jake1999 in reply to PeterRabbit1305

Thank you we did have that discussion that the trust is gone. That our old relationship is over. But we are trying to rebuild the only advantage we have is strong roots. I t will take time to see if our love prevails. Like you said one day at a time.

PeterRabbit1305 profile image
PeterRabbit1305 in reply to Jake1999

If it is something you truly want....fight for it! Good luck.

Debaura profile image

I've had it happen to me. He lied about it though never admitted it until we split up he came clean. I found it hard to trust him again. Everything was fine in the relationship so I just didn't really understand why? I don't know whether you'll be able to move past this and regain the trust but I'm glad she was honest as lying is the worst.

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