Going Postal

[negative7]

I've been so angry recently and I can't seem to channel it into anything useful. I don't get physically angry very often but when I do it is explosive.

I found out my ex cheated on me with my best friend for the last 3-5 months of the relationship and actively lied about it and they are still dating like they are living in this perfect world where they can do no wrong. My ex best friend has a victim complex where she is always the victim in any situation. My ex wants me to drop out of uni and kill myself because it's easier for everyone. To top it off my grandad died 2 days ago as well.

Everyone always says 'karma will get them' but it never has in my experience. I've always been the one to suffer even at school when I was bullied. They say 'things will get better' but they haven't. I just get angrier and sadder and I push everyone away because I can't trust anyone anymore. My parents don't listen to me and I don't have anyone I would call a friend anymore since I can't tell who is lying to me.

The doctors don't care, I'm pretty sure they would be happier if I killed myself since I wouldn't be wasting their time or money. They just tell me to take pills that don't work and come and see them in a month if I'm still alive. I haven't had a good night's sleep since last September but they don't give me anything for it because I'm depressed. I've been waiting 3 years to be seen at the gender identity clinic when the waiting list is only supposed to be a year long. They left me to bleed constantly for 4 months before finally doing something about it. I've just lost trust in everything.

I'm just so angry with everything and nothing helps.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Negative 7

t does sound as if you are having a really bad time, I am so sorry to hear about your situation.

This is a supportive community. Tell me more about your situation and our members may be able to offer you more support and information.

If you look to the right of this message on the pinned posts there are guides on mental health issues and crisis helplines.

Take care and keep in touch with us

[negative7 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

I'm just angry and I've lost my trust in everything and everyone. I've phoned the crisis lines and been to the doctors and A&E but nothing helps and most of what people tell me are lies.

[SomeMuthaFunky in reply to negative7]

I guess you're here for some support and again not getting it. I just signed up to say hello and advise you to stop for a moment and take a breath. Remember breathing right? Deep, slow breaths, right down to the stomach. Did you know that fast shallow breaths promote anxiety? Learn to breathe again and just try to reset for a moment. I'm not some hippy or trained in any way but like you I go through phases where I'm angry, I mean raging inside and I can't put my finger on any one reason, it's just that life gets on top sometimes, that and I'm not a people person ( I write that with a wry smile).

Your Ex sounds like a class act. Really, what a nice person. And you're angry this person is out of your life? You just dodged a bullet there if you ask me so oddly, life is actually on the up. As for dropping out of Uni, the best revenge you can have is to give it all you got and be a success. Sometimes it's hard to see that because we get trapped in our own cycle of negativity but you know what? Despite all the crap we are bombarded with every day there is some good stuff going on in the world and some good people to be met.

I don't know where you are in the world but you are clearly depressed and tired. They go hand in hand. Go see your Doctor again. Really, they do want to help you but sometimes it takes time to find the right meds that work for you. I have tried a number of them and some of them can make you feel really crappy and less than functional. Ask to see a counsellor if possible to deal with any grief you may be experiencing now.

I wish you all the best, keep fighting.

[Lx91]

Can you see if your doctor will refer you to your local mental health team? I have found mine to be amazing (I know not always the case) but they know better than the doctors how to help you and won't fob you off, or try to see a different doctor I have found that some really don't get mental health whereas others are fantastic.

As for the ex, he sounds like a complete arse and it sounds like you are well rid... I know you won't feel like that right now but in the future you'll realise it.

L x

[negative7 in reply to Lx91]

The local mental health team is shit. I was taken there by the police a few months ago because I was suicidal and the on duty doctor saw me. She blamed me for being depressed and transgender and told me to apologise to my ex and ex best friend because I made them upset and sent me home because I was just 'stressed' and 'looking for attention' so I don't ever want to go back there because they just made me feel 10x worse.

[negative7 in reply to negative7]

I should mention that I'm glad to be rid of the pair of them, but I am angry at how 'perfect' their life is and how I've just been tossed out like a used cum rag. He wants me to die, my ex best friend couldn't care less about me and they look at me and think 'haha no one cares about him he's just a loser'.

[Lx91 in reply to negative7]

That is awful that you got treat that way, I know the on duty doctors are not always as good as the regular ones (I only tried once and gave up and waited to see my normal nurse). May be worth trying to see if you can see someone else but fully understand you may not want to.

Sometimes we have to just keep fighting until someone listens.

L x

[Struggling777]

I'm so sorry you've not had the support you need. There are so many supportive people here for you to talk to. I hope you find it helps a little.