Depression

[Kittykatxxxxx]

I've started a new job and I've done 4 weeks . I'm proud of myself but I am feeling my depression kicking in . I can't seem to shift it . I can't shift the feeling I'm unlovable . I've been single a few years . I'm trying so hard to be positive ,but I feel empty . I'm in my late 20s but I havnt made much progress in life . I've been treated badly and I feel I'm waiting for my next diasaster. I feel strange and unattractive . I feel il be single forever , despite trying not to be . People don't seem to like me .

[j_a_w94]

It sounds like you're going through a similar thing to me. I started my job two months ago and I'm loving it but now I'm feeling very aware of my body image/eating disorder. It's like my depression has to hinder on what I'm currently feeling good about. It sounds as if your mind is directing your proudness onto a part of life that could be better. Being single can be hard. I've been single for four years now and my last boyfriend severely hurt me both mentally and physically when I was young and vulnerable. I understand how you're feeling but just know that the right person will come along and trying to put yourself out there is something I am slowly being assured to be a good thing too! I read this today: "we do not see things as they are, we see things as we are" it made me think about how I see myself and you might find some inspiration from it too Stay positive, seek pleasure in the everyday and just know things will get better x

[WantToChange]

Most of what you're saying are echos of my own thoughts. I worry I will never be loved either. I've been in love twice (in previous relationships) but neither of them loved me back. I tried my absolute heart out simply because I loved them but of course, those efforts were never reciprocated.

So believe me when I say, I know how you feel. I sense that I always get on people's bad sides, especially superiors which is even worse. People take me the wrong way and it's led to problems in the working environment. I've been single for 8 or 9 months now. My last boyfriend broke up with me on Boxing Day, after letting me down on Christmas Day. I had to show up to my parent's house by myself. My mum knew he wouldn't show up and I don't think I was even surprised, just let down and disappointed. Even after that, I was still there for him in big ways and would have done anything for him. I would give up so much to have someone feel that way about me, to be loved as much as I loved him. He threw it away and he didn't know how lucky he was to have that in his life.

Although I would never get back together with him due to the hurt he caused me (it took me a long time to see sense), it still hurts that he moved on so easily. I don't know how people can do it. I haven't met anyone (besides a guy in my last job but it turned out he wasn't interested which continues the ongoing theme of romantic rejection in my life) but it goes without saying that my ex has met someone. A person as self-deprecating and selfish and lazy as him has managed to meet someone new and yet I haven't. Even though I gave as much and did as much as I could for those ex's and I have so much to offer. Fate doesn't make any sense. In life, we don't get what we deserve, we get what we're given and we have to just make the most of it.

Maybe you and I have someone very special coming our way in the future? There's no point in dating someone for the sake of it and forcing something to happen, that will only lead to heart break and more self-loathing which I think you and I have felt too much of already in our short lives. Society is changing and not in a good way, it's very technology-based which is unfortunate because it means socialising has become so much harder and confusing. When I go on a date I would prefer the guy not to be on his phone half the time but that seems to be what I see when I go out to dinner. Just look around, everyone is so engrossed with their phones that they're missing what's right in front of them. And it's making it more difficult to meet new people, romantically and socially speaking. It won't be easy but I think if we just be the best version of ourselves then that can only lead to positive things, even if it does take us longer to settle down. We need to believe that we will meet someone who will be kind to us because the alternative is that we'll be depressed and worry that it will never happen.

All we have is now. We can't change the past and we can't see the future. All we have is what's right in front of us.

WTC