Hey folks. First post and im afraid. Of writing too much. Too indepth. Not enough. Im confused, feel weak, full of fear, like all the voices in my head are taking over. They are even having chats with each other and im watching. Was in the bathroom, talking out loud to someone and my son shouted in mum i didn't hear you are you talking to yourself to which i could only say yea. He didnt reply. Im living in a circle of fear afraid to go outside, answer the phone, open a letter. My psyvhologist says i cant listen that im only able to talk to myself that my monologues are exhausting because they dont make sense and that my mind is constantly going 100miles an hour. I wish i could be in a quiet place, a box in the ground. I wanna be dead all the time but i feel guilty coz of my son. I look forward to him being happy older and then il just hang til i die. This pain has to end. I cant cope being in my head. Its too draining. I just wanna be gone. Nobody would care anyhow. A lifetime of rape abusiveness and rejection by everyone. I just want all the voices to stop and quiet to happen. Im so sick of the pain and dread of every day. Sorry.