Torn

[Searching123]

I have a five month old son, before falling pregnant I was in the worst place of my life. I had multiple drug additions and zero self worth. I despised myself and my life. Anger doesn't cover the level of emotion I would fail to tame, every day. I'd come to the conclusion that our world was full of nothing other than self centred wickedness and I quite simply wanted out.

Needless to say falling pregnant with my bundle of beauty literally saved my life. I still have visible scars climbing up my arms but I am at least here to reminisce on their stories.

So anyway I did my pregnancy alone as my boys dad is schizophrenic so he was in a mental institution but we'd decided we'd better give a relationship a try as we'd already gone ahead and created a life. Said relationship has been completely non existent until a month and a half ago, that short month and a half has been a bumpy road to say the least. I think I may have bipolar 2 so naturally, we clash. This mornings clash session was the worst yet and I'm in two minds as to how to move forward, or if in fact the most mutually beneficial option would be to simply throw in the towel, I'm leaning toward the towel. He says he cannot help that his mind is wired to react, I say that's bullshit. The difference between us is that when I feel like I just want to let rip and run with the haze that falls over my head, I look at our son and don't even raise my voice. He on the other hand screams and shouts and thinks it's perfectly acceptable and justifies his careless actions by passing it off as his schizophrenia. I feel like I want to help him see how it should be dealt with for the sake of our boy but it's like talking to a brick wall. Anyone have a word of advice?

[DMM218]

Living in an aggressive environment would do your son any good. You must think what's best for you and your son.

Eventually all this stress will affect your health.

You can still be a family but I think your own space is needed. Schizophrenia isn't an excuse for shouting etc. if bf is having episodes then he needs to see a dr to stabilize meds. If it's his personality unless he shows control this relationship is going to turn unhealthy and abusive.

I was in a similar situation although never lived with my kids father. He has mental health issues but refused to disclose to me. Within a few months his behavior was so erratic he tried to take my baby away. After that I refused contact until he was better. Frankly, he leaves us alone for years and then demands to be involved all in his terms. My daughter has grown up knowing her dad is completely unreliable, she still tries to keep in touch with him but he is unable to be a father. She is now 13. I always spoke honestly about him and allowed contact when I felt it was safe, this allowed her to reach her own conclusion.

She has her own issues with autism etc. the fact her dad is a mess means she knows regardless of her disability she still has responsibility for herself to live a meaningful life in society.

Don't do anything simply because you are sorry for your bf. That's not a basis for a relationship.

Go speak to doctor as bipolar can be controlled with meds. It's important you look after yourself.

No mental illness or condition automatically means that you can't raise a child well. But be realistic about any aggressive, violent or erratic behavior as kids need stability and routine. I

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello 'searching123', welcome to this community, which I hope you will find supportive and empathic, and find other users who've been in the same situation as yourself. It sounds like you've had a really tough time recently, but well done in overcoming so much and finding the strength to care for your new baby. DMM's advice is really good. You need to put your needs and that of your son first. You are probably not in the best position to counsel your partner, and he's recently been in psychiatric unit and sounds like he still needs stabilizing with medication and/or MH support, and I would advise that you both need to see your GP for mental health support. For you too, your Health visitor will able to monitor your situation and give advice regarding your health and your son. Take a looked at the right-hand side of this screen at the 'Pinned Posts' and follow the links to 'Free guides on mental health', there's one on Bipolar, but also one on parenting and mental health. You are not alone. Keep posting.

[Searching123 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Can't find the pinned posts??

[Searching123]

Thank you both for your advice I appreciate it x

[PillznPortionz]

Hey dearest..I commend you for putting your son first regardless of all the difficult situation you're in...and what DMM said is true,no child deserves to be brought up in a tension filled environment...so as much as you feel you need to help your bf...your son takes priority.And honestly from how it sounds..having bf around isn't helping both you and your son much in terms of peace of mind...I'd suggest that you let him manage his condition while you take care of your baby and yourself...there's only so much you can do,and right now your lil'man takes priority...I hope I'm making sense..and like I said..I also have my own issues,but whenever you need to talk,don't hesitate...💓

[Searching123]

So very true. He affects me in such a negative way. Almost like I loose sight of myself for a while. It's not even like I'm in love with him, I just wanted to give it the best chance of working out for my son but it's true, it's proving more wrong than right & that's not right for either of us