Mental Health Support
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Depression

I've had depression for a few years now, I'm on anti depressants and waiting on therapy. I'm findin things really tough. I have a great gf who loves me and is trying to help. But I'm pushing her away with my jealousy and not trusting her. Any advice would be welcomed.

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Hello....ja tak jak i Ty od lat zmagam sie z depresja i wiem jak jest to dokuczliwe w codziennym zyciu....13 lat temu przeszlam przez to i po tylu latach znow mnie dopadla i dzisiaj sama jestem na rozdrozu wlasnych mysli...jak tu walczyc o siebie o lepsze jutro i choc chce to lek zamyka mnie wdomu i ani rusz wyjsc za prog......

Zazdrosc....kazdy rozumie to inaczej lecz ja uwazam,ze odrobina zazdrosci jest nawet mila ale gdy przekracza sie granice to moze doprowadzic do rozpadu zwiazku.Jesli sie kogos kocha to zaufanie jest tu samoistne i bez tego tez ciezko tworzyc udany zwiazek...wiec moze pusc wodze wyobrazni i zaufaj partnerce a sam zobaczysz ile zyskasz radosci....kochaj ale tez pozwol sie kochac i nie badz juz taaak zazdrosny

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You need to be supportive to your Girlfriend and trust her, I had a relationship where it was built on lies and distrust, the relationship did not work and I had a heart rending split up.

If you have no reason to suggest She is cheating, try not looking for a problem you will drive Her away and that can really make you feel low and depressed.

Talk to her and explain how much you love her, look for interests you can do together and when you have interests together that tightens the bond between you

If you have had Depression now for several years you must have a good idea what has caused this problem, address your concerns and try and break up each problem into little bits, you can address all your concerns in little bites when stuck move on to the next problem, until all little bites consume these problems. You are awaiting Therapy, when you go to your first appointment they will assess your concerns then over time give you some coping techniques. Some of these are Breathing Techniques and Relaxation Techniques.

Mindfulness is the technique they prefer and if need be you and your girlfriend could try the latter together. There are books on Mindfulness and you could get started now

BOB

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Thank you Bob I'm trying all the time but the bad thoughts take over the good ones. Appreciate your reply thank you

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Tommy

The best thing you can do here is talk, we are all the same when it comes to someone we think the world of, and if we become possessive we loose the person we love.

Talk through your fears and show how much you need Her. Think good of Her and only work on the principle of trust. Never think bad thoughts about her because they will come true if you push too hard. Good Luck to both of you

BOB

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Thanks Bob , I know your right and I'm trying 👍

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CBT is really good for addressing harmful negative thinking. You can get self help books, do stuff online as well as through therapist.

Sometimes when life seems so bleak we push loved ones away. You may feel unworthy of their love, you may feel guilty about the pain you cause them, you may genuinely believe they are better off without you. You may want to prevent potential future pain by giving up now. But in all of that you take away their choice to be with you. Give your girlfriend the credit of making her own decisions. It's not an excuse for acting like an asshole, but depresssion takes away our perspective. Once that goes, the negative thoughts have a field day. Try to test your thinking. See if there is evidence to back up your thoughts and not just your negative emotions. If you find your responses are all about you being a crap person chances are it's depression talking and not actually the real situation. It's really hard not to over sensitive when depressed. Again feature of the illness and not your personality. So try seeing bigger picture - someone's hurtful comment may be due to thoughtlessness and not a desire to hurt.

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Thank you I'm waiting on a date for cut , just finding it all too hard

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Yes - it is hard. Anything I can do to help? Sometimes just actually full honest chat about the crispness of life at moment and how you feel can help. I'm not going to tell you to cheer up etc or the usual banal rubbish. Just being heard helps.

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Crapness not crispness - ffs!

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I find it better to speak to someone who understands

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Well I know depression but it can be different for everyone.

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It's so horrible just feel so alone

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Yes, I'm totally isolated. No family no friends - only people I speak to our health professionals and support workers. I'm been told to socialist but I can't trust my family or friends to support me. Been totally let down in the past.

Feeling alone because no one gets it? I try to express it but I fail to be understood.

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I'm a bit wordy

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What your saying makes sense to me as I'm the same . I'm

In Glasgow. Thomas

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I'm in Orkney - it's not the best place to live if down - but has good medical support kinda

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I'm Diane

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Doesn't matter we're we are it's good to chat and feel there's someone there for you

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Yes, it so easy when talking to people with normal functioning brains to feel like it's my fault I'm not well because the advice given is along the lines of try a bit harder. Then you think no one else thinks like you and you are a complete mess

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Really sorry to hear that I'm here if needed

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Sometimes I think it would best just to go live in complete isolation as I seem so out of step with the world.

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I've got that way too as I don't feel good enough. Do you live alone diane

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And then I get angry at all the normal people whose biggest worry is what to have for tea!

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I think part of the problem is individuals have different experiences of emotional pain. It's impossible to describe it fully. And a lot of people have never experienced it so can't imagine it.

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Yea exactly but I feel bad cause I moan but I can't help it

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I feel heartbroken by life - does that make sense?

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It does diane , I feel all I do is cry and try do my daily job, but it's so hard

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I think most people with depression don't moan enough! You've barely said a word. Is it maybe that your complaints aren't taken seriously? The old banal brush off of don't worry etc

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Yea , people tell u to get on with it and don't understand, , happy to share my number with you

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Thanks tommy but can we message thru app first. I can find it difficult talking at times - words get stuck - is that ok?

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I'm a single mum but daughter in respite care at moment - I've been struggling and extremely worried about it.

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If ur working that's tough as I have to put on brave face there.

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I'm always putting on a brace face diane

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So how to get better? How to remove the pain in my soul that just eats away at me? I'm thinking that I need to work on believing I'm a worthwhile person. I need to protect myself from toxic people who drain me. I need to say that I deserve to live a full healthy life.

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Yea exactly we both do, I'm not a bad guy and I'm sure your a good person

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I was given this pain by other people. I took it inside me and thought it belonged to me. It never did. It is the pain and guilt and shame and anger of someone else. I thought I was helping them when they were hurting me. I thought I can carry their pain. I was wrong. I'm lifting this pain out of me and leaving it for them to carry. I am not responsible for it anymore. I didn't ask for it. I didn't deserve it. I have suffered enough. I will heal.

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Love your positivity

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I'm going to say that every day until it's true.

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I just feel so down

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Tell me what's that's like for you?

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I go to work and can't be arsed, I wake up can't be arsed, and don't see a way out of it

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Is that too tough to answer?

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I'll say the opposite of everyone else. Don't cheer up, don't be positive. Be true to yourself. Accept how you feel. It is perfectly logical given what you have experienced in life to feel down.

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I don't want to be down, I want to be happy

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There is no point because life has taught you that your efforts are meaningless. That you have lost something so valued by you that it can never be replaced. Life has done that to you.

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You can't be happy because you fear happiness. If you are happy, stuff goes wrong. Better not be happy, better to reduce all emotion to nothing so that you never experience the pain of loss again. That numbs you.

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No 1 likes to be hurt

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Am I even close?

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In wat way , I'm sure we all want to be happy

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What I'm getting at is self destructive behavior can be used to avoid future emotional pain. Or to justify previous emotional pain. But we don't live in the past or the future so this self protection becomes unhealthy and damaging.

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Yes diane totally agree with you, that's wat I do

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Ok so try not to live in past or predict the future. Live now in the moment. That's mindfulness. You can get books on it etc. You can only deal with what's happening now. So, in this moment you feel down. In the next you may feel something else emotionally. To help that happen start focusing on things - physical sensations and not your emotions. So, concentrate on breathing, your chest rising and falling. The feel of your shoes on the ground. The texture of your clothes on your skin. Do that for a minute and see if it briefly disconnects you from your emotions.

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Yea that's what I try to do but when you don't feel good enough it's hard

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Yes takes practice - i know the technique and fail to do it myself. But maybe we can agree to do it at a set time each day for five minutes to see if it can help. The not feeling good enough feeling is a thought belonging to depression. So tell yourself that. And don't keep going over that thought. You can simply accept it. I'm not good enough. You can qualify it . I'm not good enough at the moment. Take away the thoughts power but not returning to it. For example, I may think the sky is blue. I don't then spend an hour thinking about how blue it is, why it's blue, even doubting its blue. I just leave it and move onto the next thought.

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Just tired of it all , had enuff

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Ok - I'm heading to my bed. Do you think you will be able to talk tomorrow? It's exhausting being depressed and if I could change how we all feel I'd do it in a heartbeat. U don't deserve to feel like this.

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Yes of course

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Yes of course

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No but we can only learn through things like loss, pain and failure. A writer said 'the only measure of love is loss'. You understand how much you love only when it is lost.

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Last example was kinda CBT technique

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